There was rain and then a traffic jam, and by the time the babies reached the hotel they were two hours past due. They brought Mazie directly to our`room because they were so late, and I was glad for this. On top of the trauma of being passed to us, she was overly tired, very hungry, and drenched with pee from her knees to her chest. I assume she had been in car for at least 6 hours.
And then it happened.
They handed her to me.
She was passed to my arms, and I haven’t let go since. Don’t think I ever will.
She is so very sad. She is looking for her mama everywhere… and it isn’t me. Her cry isn’t screaming but a the most pitiful slow wailing. Each time the door opens she looks for her mama, and once when the door was left open, she tried to make her escape. This is the only time we’ve seen her take a couple steps yet.
Her first dinner was congee and dum-dums. What a fine mother I’m starting off to be. But it was the only things she’d touch. She has still to drink a bottle of formula or water. But she has had a few very little sips of water last night from a cup. She shoves away the bottle everytime we offer although I was told she drinks one twice a day. Time will surly help I think.
These pics, less are the next day, about 18 hours in. The room was so quiet, and it was just her and me. During these seldom moments I catch glimpses of what time holds for us. The window seems to be her favorite spot. (Which for the photographer in me is a dream come true.) She gazes at the cars, I assume looking for her mama, and makes little noises. But for now, each time we go out, when she sees any Chinese woman I think she remembers, and the tears come and shut-down mode resumes.
She’s scratching herself raw almost constantly. She has little scratching scabs everywhere. We’re not sure if it is bad eczema, plain ol’ dry skin, scabies, or perhaps a nervous reaction to all she’s been through in the last 24 hours. I went ahead and treated for scabies anyway.
Her special need and those “delays from an unknown cause?”
Well it’s all still a mystery. There are no more answers after meeting her then there were when we were matched. There is nothing obvious yet. She is obviously significantly delayed, but to what extent remains to be seen. She is shut down and in survival mode almost all of the time so far. This is the leap of international adoption. The unknown. The unknown that can easily bring fear. Unlike our last journey, it hasn’t for me… yet. Maybe it will. For now, I’m totally at peace with whatever will come. Mazie is my daughter, and I’m totally head-over heels in love with someone I just met yesterday.
Amazing how God makes love so strong that it can crush the fear.
It’s not always like that.
And I’m so very grateful to have this peace right now.