miles to go

June 1, 2013 by nohandsbutours heart defect, Kam, urologic 1 Comments

So the little prince and I were at Target the other day when my phone rang. Our dear friends needed a little help and thought of us… Because she said, “You guys ‘get it!’” And I guess she’s right about that. They have been home from China for six months with their sweet boy and have just begun recently to let him stay in nursery at church without them. But they were in a quandary. Their daughters had a special morning at school coming up. One they knew would be too much for their son.

Four long hours.

That’s an eternity for an active 2 year old to be expected to sit! So she wanted to know if he could hang out with us. I checked my calendar and let her know we were a go!

Gabe and their son have played together several times…with both mamas present! They do so well together and it makes my friend and I just giddy to watch them enjoy each other.

They came around 8am and only a few, quick tears were shed. We went outside to play {and distract!}. Everything was going great. It was just at one point when I needed to pick our friends’ son up for a second that I noticed something.

Rewind to our first three months home.

Although we fully realized that it takes an immeasurable amount of time to completely settle, Gabe was adjusting better than we could have ever hoped. He was showing great signs of attaching. Sleeping like a dream {no pun intended!} and was affectionate, happy and seemingly fine for the most part.

But he made a sound constantly. And when he was clearly stressed, the pitch was higher and louder. I wish I could describe it. Almost like a bird’s cry. Only more like a rattle. Where he would do something with his throat and push air out of his mouth.

It was a funny little sound. And back then, got to be a little unnerving at times. One day, almost out of the blue, he just stopped doing it. It was as if we looked at each other and said, “Hey, did you notice!?! He’s not making the crazy sound anymore!”

Only last Friday, he began again.

We haven’t heard that sound since January I bet. But when I picked his friend up to tend to him, Gabe was at my leg in a flash, gazing up at me and that little rattle was flying out of his mouth. And with it, the words, “My mama. My mama.”

It all came back to me then. I’ve told y’all countless times, I’m such a moron. And it didn’t occur to me, when we were in the throes of re-entry, that this sound has a purpose.

Our little prince was coping.

I was just too exhausted or idiotic to see it at the time. It was crystal clear on Friday though. Crystal clear that while we’ve come so far, we still have miles to go.

In helping him realize that we are inseparable now.

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That we are as much his as we could ever be.

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And that we will love him with fierce, mad love until we die.

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It’s been eight wonderful months. Everyday we lay more groundwork in attachment. Every night we solidify his safety and well being as he falls asleep smiling in my arms. And every morning, when he stands up in that crib to look for us, we assure him all over again…that while there are still miles to go, we are here forever and are more than happy to walk those miles with him.






One Response to “miles to go”

  1. Aus says:

    Interesting stuff – and while I hate to see any child under stress – it’s SO COOL to see him display this kind of emotion!! Well done guys – well done! (and nice catch too!)

    hugs – aus and co.

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