Who Do They Love More?

December 15, 2013 by nohandsbutours cognitive disability, Jean, older child adoption 10 Comments

I have been a mom for 30 years. Yes, our oldest son just turned 30! It is hard to believe how fast the time has gone. It was just yesterday our dear baby boy was born. We spent our time… just staring at him, in awe, completely amazed at this tiny miracle that God created!

Fast forward 30 years to December 2013. And here we are with 5 older biological children and 13 children born in our hearts. Each one a perfect blessing from GOD!

As parents we love our children passionately regardless of how they came to us. We fiercely protect them each and every day, as best we can.

But there are times when we fail. When we are not in the right place at the right time and our children are subjected to experiences that are less than desirable… experiences that are downright hurtful…

That is what happened to our daughter…

She was lured into a situation where she was taken advantage of… mocked by those she thought were her friends (an adult and a young teen).
She was interrogated and video taped as they asked her questions that she did not understand. She expounded in untruthful ways trying to please her audience and when it was over she was left feeling empty and confused.

Our daughter was previously an orphan, she was abandoned by her birth mother as an infant. For the first year home she would say to us “my birth Momma didn’t want me, she threw me away”. In the beginning it was said in a nonchalant manner but later the tears flowed. It has taken us many years to reassure her that her birth Momma loved her but was unable to care for her and unable to keep her, so she did what she thought was best for her baby. Our daughter and other international adoptees have suffered more than any of us will ever know or understand.

My heart and my head… for the life of me, cannot understand why any adult would EVER do this to a child. Why would they ask a question that is so full of hurt. Why would they deliberately try to open an old wound in an adopted child.

Why would a grown woman EVER attempt to isolate a child (who was previously an orphan) from her family and then interrogate her…

Why would she barrage her with questions and in an attempt to get information that is none of her business. Our children’s special needs are for our family only! Whatever I share in our family blog is for education, adoption advocating and prayer purposes only. It is not to be used to discriminate against, harass or intimidate our children and family.

As the interrogation ended she asked our daughter “the question.” “The question” that no adoptee should ever be asked by a neighbor or anyone else.

Here is the question that continuously breaks my heart to even think of …

“Do they love you as much as their older birth children?”

My jaw drops every time I think of this…

I am so sad that I was not there to protect her, to intervene and stop the litany of unusual and unkind questions.

Why would an adult EVER say this to an adopted child? Why would she try to hurt this child that she previously seemed to be fond of? Why would she try to victimize the victim…

Our daughter was flustered and surprised by such a question… she hesitated and then answered back “I don’t know, I think so…”

Well, let me make this PERFECTLY CLEAR!
YES, WE LOVE OUR ADOPTED CHILDREN JUST AS MUCH AS OUR BIRTH CHILDREN!
AND our birth children would expect nothing less from us!

AND we will fiercely and lovingly protect all of our children because they are ALL OUR CHILDREN no matter how they came to our family!





10 Responses to “Who Do They Love More?”

  1. Barbara says:

    Oh dear God, I am so sorry that this happened and no matter how long I will live I will never understand the need to hurt others. I am always surprised by hurtful people and to hurt a child no mater what the circumstances. Well I hope God is as merciful as I believe because those who do that are going to need him to be. I don’t now if it makes an difference but even people like me who don’t know your children love and pray for them.

  2. mary mullett says:

    Oh Jean, as we are in this Christmas season, your article brought me to tears. I so respect your whole family for the love and care you, your husband and your adult children have extended to your younger children. I recently followed the recent trip to China to bring Joey and Ben home. Many times I laughed at your remarks for the “boy” behavior. It made my day.
    Loved your comments about sticking out of the tongue, the nerf gun battle,and many more. Such a wonderful brother Mark is for making the little boys new life a bit easier…I too, am unable to fathom why a woman would be so unkind to your daughter! I hope that is one reason you recently moved! Thank you for brightening my life by allowing open reading of your blog. I don’t know how to make comments, except on this site…I just wanted a chance to let you know my best wishes for all the children and you and your husband a happy Christmas season. God Bless you all. mm, age 67, vancouver, wa.

  3. Kim says:

    Gosh. That is just incredible. I am so sad for your daughter

  4. Sarah says:

    Oh Jean, this is so sad. It makes me cry! It is terrible what your precious child had to experience because of another’s thoughtlessness (or maybe just plain unkindness). I’m praying that she experiences great healing from the Lord (and through your love) for this additional trauma in her sweet little life.

  5. Lacy says:

    My heart is breaking for your sweet daughter! I’m not sure why people are so cruel! I read your family blog and enjoy it. Thanks for posting and prayers for your family! Also praying for the people that caused you daughter such pain.

  6. Erica says:

    I personally hope you went ape sh*t on that woman! You are creating a new legacy for your daughter and God will help her walk through it.

  7. Amy Murphy says:

    I am so sorry that you and specifically your daughter had to endure what is not merely insensitive conversation, but a vicious attack. I pray that God gives you wisdom in the situation, and that He gives your daughter peace and strength.

  8. soph says:

    I cannot even believe that a grown woman would do this to a young girl. I’m thinking you should press charges for harassment, there is seriously something wrong with that woman. Jean it’s obvious how much you love those children, God bless you and your beautiful family

  9. Alison says:

    Oh, Jean, you have had such a year! I so appreciate your positive attitude and the love for and trust in Christ that shines through and your great love for all of your kiddos!!

  10. Sarah says:

    How awful! If this adult is a school employee, church worker or medical professional, could you file a written complaint with the organization that employs or licenses her? I would second the recommendation to file a police report for harassment.

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