Congratulations!
“That is so wonderful! I’m so happy for your family and for that sweet child that has been waiting for so long!”
This is the correct response. This (or a version of this) is what others should say to you when you share your adoption news.
If you have adopted more than twice you have probably experienced an unfortunate response. For some reason people think it is okay to convey their disapproval.
They usually don’t come right out and say it. It’s often the lack of words, the look, the head nod and the silence that give it all away. At that point, their words aren’t necessary.
With 13 adoptions and 7 adoption trips we have experienced it all!
Adoption can be a hard road and the last thing a family that is stepping out in faith needs, is someone else’s unwanted two cents. What you need and what I needed was encouragement. Positive statements, that are uplifting and hopeful for the journey ahead.
Our adoptions are not about us. They are not about the number of children we have or how many happy family pictures we can post on facebook.
They are about a child, an orphan that needs a family, parents, love, medical attention and God. Many of these children may not survive without necessary medical treatment.
Even though adoptions may not be about us, others responses are often about them. Whether it is a family member, a friend or an acquaintance, their words still hurt. Their motivation may be from desiring more of your time and fear this will take you away from them. Some friends have said to us, that we make them feel inadequate. Oh my, that is not what we want to do.
We are all called to serve God in different ways and not one way is more important than another. However, if what we are doing makes someone take a second look at what they could do to serve, that is a good thing.
Adoption is our ministry, our passion, our calling.
So, if you are adopting for the third time or the tenth time, I want you to know that there is NOT something wrong with you! You, my friend, have a heart for God’s children (the orphans) and you have been called to serve God in this manner.
No matter how many children you have at home, the correct response still should be: “Congratulations! That is so wonderful! I’m so happy for your family and for that sweet child that has been waiting for so long!”
Love this! Well said!
Yes! We just brought home our second adopted child. She made number 6.
I have been asked a few times “Now that Iris is home, are You satisfied?”
This hurts so much especially coming from people I thought understood that our adoptions were most certainly not about me!
Being pregnant with #17 and in the process of our 4th adoption (12th adopted child). I needed to hear this this morning. Thank you.
I was actually surprised by someone’s response. About 6 months ago we were at our pediatric dentists office. They LOVE our six adopted kids. (We also have 3 bio adult children) However once again the question came from one of the gals were we done? I said I don’t know maybe. The one young hygienist said, “no you have to go get more! ” Loved it!
And yes we are in process of our 7th adoption!
I am mom to 13, 3 bio and 10 through adoption. Thank you for this! Just seeing the pics of other families like ours and hearing that others have the same calling in life to adopt is a blessing. 🙂
I totally get this. Adoption is our calling as well. We have adopted 15 (we have 3 bios as well). Are we done yet? Well that is up to God. When people ask me if we are “done”…I just smile and say that is a question for God to answer because we thought we were done 13 kids ago. Apparently He had other plans and a bigger calling than we even thought. God’s Blessings and great pictures of beautiful families.
Yes, have heard them all too and we have only adopted 3 times. What a great post!
Love this! When asked by a stranger, after our 5th child, if we “knew what was causing that” I just smiled and said, “paperwork. Lots and lots of paperwork!” His eyes grew big and his mouth fell open:). The best advertisement we can be for big families is to be happy ones!
This is wonderful. I wish I could adopt a child or two. My husband and I can not have children and I even just had surgery to remove my ovary on Monday. I would love to provide a couple children a loving home but they do not make it easy for people who are just getting by to adopt unfortunately. To all of you who have adopted. God bless you for providing wonderful children a forever loving home.
I know it is not easy. It is not easy anywhere… I pray you will see the doors open so you can adopt. We are trying to adopt too. Not easy, I get it.
One last thing I know is that if/when it is God’s will for you then blessings will come and you will be able to adopt, 1,2 or however many are in the plan for you. Hand on to hope and faith. Miracles are possible, real… Just my 2 cents. 🙂
Adoption from foster doesn’t cost anything (and there are sometimes adoption subsidies to offset the minimal legal fees or counseling/ medical treatment). Yes, these children are victims of a use and neglect and, yes, that means that parenting them will look different than parenting a biological child in some ways, BUT there are thousands and thousands of children waiting for families!
Amen Amen Amen!!!
Thank you. I have 1 child (adopted from China) and this gave me reason to pause and ask how I respond to others. Thank you for this reminder!
We got the “You’re done now, right?” comment right after we came home from our first adoption (our 8th child). My feelings were so hurt. We’ve since adopted 2 more.
We adopted our oldest two from Guatemala. While we were there fostering, I found out I was pregnant. People asked if we would continue our adoptions (which by the grace of God was allowed by the agency). A few year later, we had another baby and last year twins. People ask all the time if we regret adopting. How can you regret your children? We are blessed that God grew our family in six beautiful ways. We wouldn’t trade any of our six. Great post!
Oh yes, we get a lot of unsolicited opinions. We have 3 bio and 3 adopted. My favorite comment was a Medical professional who said “I think adoption is like an addiction, people can seem to just get one!” I said “well I can’t think if anything better to be addicted to than serving God and caring for orphans, can you?!” He just had a blank look on his face and nodded as he said “I’d have to agree with that”.
I was never asked this question. But in court with our fifth adoption and four bio kids, they told us not to come back, we had enough. We adopted five AA infants in under four years. We did fine, but our then two year old was hammering the gavel on the judges desk. Guess it got on his nerves. lol.
All of our children are now adults and all very successful individuals even if they deal with special needs.
If I was young and healthy still, I would adopt more but I am now enjoying my grand babies.
http://www.parentingfasdkids.com
Oh and I wanted to invite any families struggling with children that might be affected by drugs and alcohol to our support groups. They are linked in my website at the top.
I think it is great you have that much room in your home and heart. Whose business is your family business. I never married and never had children. Now I wonder what it would have been like to have my own or to adopt but I am too old now to do either and will sorely regret not having anyone to love me in my old age.
Your family is beautiful and inspiring. I don’t understand how anybody could possibly disapprove. You give me hope for the future–someday I too will adopt.