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Meet the Contributors: Rebecca

August 27, 2016 by nohandsbutours 0 Comments

Continuing today with our series in which we share a short Q and A with one of our contributors to give y’all, our faithful readers, a little more behind-the-scenes insight into the amazing group of writers assembled here. And it will also give each of our contributors a chance to share their heart in a way a traditional post might not allow.


rebecca


Q: Tell us a little about your family.


My husband, Mark, and I live outside Atlanta, Georgia, with our four small people, one biological and three born in China. I am from Kentucky and he is from New York. We met on our very first day at the University of Kentucky. 



Q: What led you to adopt from China?

The seed of adoption was planted on my heart as a teenager. When I met Mark, I gave him the head’s up that I was dreaming of adoption. It could have been an easy out for him, but instead, he embraced the dream and it gradually became our shared family vision, even as a dating couple.




Q: Which provinces are your children from?

Claire: Sichuan
Eli: Hebei
Evelyn: Jiangsu, but was moved to Heartbridge Healing Home in Beijing





Q: What special needs are represented in your family?

Cleft lip, cleft palate, tethered spinal cord with dermal sinus tract, hernias, anal rectal malformation, neurogenic bladder, hydronephrosis and solitary kidney





Q: What is your favorite aspect of adoption? Hardest?


That there are three funny, spunk-filled, personality-loaded little people with beating hearts around our breakfast table is my very favorite aspect of adoption. It’s an everyday miracle to be called mommy by children born on the other side of the globe.

Helplessly looking into the faces of your newly adopted child and seeing trauma and grief in their tears, their expressions, their coping, and their defenses is the hardest aspect of adoption. Even as parents, we’ll never fully grasp or understand how deep and wide their hurt is, or will be as they grow. You know there are hours, scars, and loses that can never be accounted for, and also know that though your love can help, it can’t erase.


Q: In just a few sentences, share two tips applying to any part of the adoption process.


Waiting Stage: When you are on US soil and your child is in an orphanage, or even a healing home, it is hard to wrap your head around why God wouldn’t want your child in the care of his/her family immediately. Yet, so often, it’s everything but immediate. We wait and wait and our processes bring obstacles. But, if we trust that the Author of Our Stories is who He says He is, we must come to accept that God is ALWAYS at work for His glory and our good. So if he’s asking you to wait, it’s purposeful rather than purposeless. Lean in.

In China/Newly Home: Grace upon grace. Throw grace around like confetti, onto yourself, your new child and all the people in your life. Not only is adoption hard, but it’s sacred, holy work that we enter into with our fully human emotions and fragile hearts.




Q: How has adoption grown/stretched/changed you?


It has demonstrated to me that God is very big and I am very small. My illusion of control over my life and my family has been burst, and though painful, it brings deep release.




Q: Can you share a few of your favorite blog posts shared on NHBO? Some from your personal blog?

I am so very honored to write with an amazing group of talented contributors. Some favorites are Carrie McKean’s “A Birth Story” and Mandy Campbell-Moore’s “Love is Patient”.

My favorite from my own blog is “God of My Children”, because it is so much of what God has been teaching me about parenting.








Q: What is your favorite book? Quote? Verse?

Favorite books: Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry and A Million Little Ways by Emily Freeman. Plus, I’m a Modern Mrs. Darcy fan and love her recommendations.

Quote: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with our one wild and precious life?” ~ Mary Oliver

Verse: Being confident of this very thing, that he who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ. Phil 1:6



rebecca1




Q: What is something most people don’t know about you?

I am a dark chocolate, tea, nature, around the table with my people, travel show (I’ll Have What Phil is Having and A Chef’s Life), podcast and all things Fall junkie.

My dream and prayer is that my love of writing and my passion for orphans, family preservation and the nations will combine to give a voice for those in need. If someone will send me to China, Africa or Haiti, I promise to spill as many words as I can to raise awareness and money!




Q: 


Can you share a favorite “mom hack” that makes life easier for you?

Don’t do everything. Put your kids to work! Even small people can help with around the house chores. Next, force yourself to let their lack of cleaning perfection go.




Q: 


If you could share one parting thought with someone considering special needs adoption, what would it be?

Tell yourself that the needs on the special needs checklist are not scary, just unknown. Release yourself from savior mode and trust that it is God who provides, heals, goes before us, and hems us in. His resources and His capacity are unlimited.


Waiting to be Chosen: Manny

August 26, 2016 by nohandsbutours 0 Comments

Oh, Manny. You make our hearts smile.

Born in June 2011, Manny arrived at his orphanage when he was one. He has remained at the orphanage ever since, where he has captured the hearts of the staff.


manny1


When Manny first arrived at the orphanage, he was very weak. With the consistent love and care of the staff, he started to gain strength and make progress in many areas. At 18 months, he began to receive physical therapy. At that time, he could raise his head when lying down, roll over, and babble. He could not yet sit independently.

By the time he was two. through hard work and persistence, he was able to sit independently and had begun to crawl. He was excited to see his physical therapist and would excitedly call out “sister!” By the age of two and a half, he could take off his own socks and shoes, talk with other children, and follow commands such as “get ready to eat your meal” and “give that to your sister”.

As the months moved along, Manny became more and more independent, learning new words and skills including dressing himself, eating independently, counting, imitating sounds, and asking questions. He now counts to 50 clearly and smoothly, sings several children’s songs as well as reciting ancient poems. He enjoys imaginative games such as playing house.

He easily expresses his desires and enjoys listening to stories. He isn’t afraid to say “no” to unreasonable requests by his peers, and can judge the difference between right and wrong. He loves animals, airplanes and trains. He is good at entertaining himself at appropriate times, and is full of patience and love towards the younger children.


manny2


Manny’s official special need is cerebral palsy, which primarily affects his legs. He wears braces on his legs and is able to walk without support. He is not always steady, however. His file includes detailed growth and development reports, vaccination records, lab results, a doctor’s report, a video, and several pictures. WACAP staff and volunteers met Manny on an April 2016 trip and there is a lot of information available for interested families to review.

During the recent visit by WACAP to his orphanage, he was excited to play with the bubbles and toss the balloon. He laughed almost the whole time and his giggles were contagious. He can take care of all self-care tasks like feeding, dressing, and using the restroom. His speech is very clear. He speaks in full sentences and is able to ask and answer questions.

His file was recently prepared. It notes that Manny has an understanding of life in the orphanage, and loves all the caregivers and children. But he is also eager to have his own mother and father and believes his parents will find him. He’s even already started practicing how to say Dad and Mom.

Oh, my heart.


manny


Manny’s file is currently with WACAP and he has a $4,000 grant available to qualified families. Seriously interested families should download and complete their pre-application (no fee, no commitment) found here.

You may email the completed pre-application to ckids@wacap.org with your request and the first available case manager will respond.

How to Find Your Tribe

August 25, 2016 by nohandsbutours 0 Comments

“Your people are my people, your God my God.
Not even death itself is going to come between us.”

Ruth 1:16-17


When we started the adoption process, we were not even considering Down syndrome. It was too scary. In fact, the irony of it, is we decided our cut-off for having bio kids was age 35 because of the increased risk of having a child with Ds. Then, as simply as turning a page, all our hearts could think about were children with Down syndrome. We had lots of questions, with answers we largely had to find on our own.

Until we found our tribe. The scariest part of taking a leap of faith is actually not the leap. It’s the not-knowing-what’s-at-the-bottom part. We all want to see what God is asking us to jump into but sometimes that water is dark, sometimes it’s swift and we can’t see its course.

My wife and I love to backpack. If you’ve ever been on a mountain trail, you know sometimes the path can become narrow and hard to follow. It’s good to have spotters on the trail ahead of you, especially when things get a bit more treacherous; someone just a few steps ahead who can relay valuable info to you to keep you safe and moving forward.

If you can find this in your process of adoption, it will be invaluable. And if fortune befalls you, some of these people will become your tribe. You need them. And not just for the process of getting you to your child and back home again. You need them when your child won’t eat or won’t sleep or starts acting out or has a rough week. You need them to celebrate the little wins as well. Because parents of typical, biological children don’t always understand your excitement over your four year old sleeping through the night.

Adoption is unique. It’s unlike any other parenting you’ll do. And when you add a child with special needs, the challenges increase. Sites like this one exist to give you encouragement and hope. But articles like this are only a step in the right direction. You need someone you can talk to. And if you’re lucky enough, you need someone you can put your arms around when it gets hard, someone you can look at face-to-face. You need a tribe.

tribe

Seth Godin, the entrepreneur, blogger, and best-selling author, has written about this idea of tribes. He says, “For [ages], human beings have been part of one tribe or another. A group needs only two things to be a tribe: a shared interest and a way to communicate.”

And that’s what makes my tribe unique. When the Bamboo Project started, there weren’t any books on adopting children with Down syndrome from China. Still aren’t. A quick search on Amazon for “Down syndrome adoption China” shows three results; two of them are fiction books about orphans who decided to escape the orphanage and live on the streets, and one about adoption statistics. Not super helpful, unless of course you like fiction and stats, then I guess… you’re welcome? The most helpful were the handful of blogs from the families who were in the process ahead of us. These people were how our tribe started. We were small and some of us pretty green, but our tribe is growing and with it, our resources.

There are now more than twenty Bamboo families who’ve walked the process and brought their children home. Twenty living legends, battle-tested, real-life experts on adopting a child from China with Down syndrome. I know, twenty doesn’t seem like much when you consider the tens of thousands of kids with Ds in China alone who don’t have a family. But these twenty families have become our tribe. We’re a community. We are a tribe.


bamboo map
Bamboo Family Map


“A group needs only two things to be a tribe:
a shared interest and a way to communicate.”

Seth Godin


We just wrapped up our 2nd annual Bamboo Reunion with seven of the twenty families taking over a retreat center in Williamsburg, VA for a couple days followed by a few more days with three of those families at our house (which, by the way, is in the midst of a total kitchen renovation). Sounds a little crazy, right? But it wasn’t. None of it was crazy. Not the retreat center. Not even the time together at our house. It was enlivening, supportive, enriching. It kinda blew my mind. But it’s just the nature of a tribe. Mutual understanding. It’s what allows fifty-something people to hang out in a room together and just get each other.

Our friend Desiree said it beautifully, “We BBQ’d and passed kids around, someone did the dishes while someone else did laundry. One momma helped a little one clean up after a potty accident while a daddy helped form light sabers for the boys outside. There were air mattresses and camping gear and lots of bare feet running through the kitchen snagging whatever open Gatorade was nearest. There is a beautiful confidence that comes with knowing you are loved.”

Your tribe doesn’t have to be big. Ours was small at first. Regardless of size, the number one thing you can do is commit to each other. Commit to pray. Commit to encourage. Commit to advocate. It’s remarkable how empowering it is to know someone’s got your back. And the prime got-your-back resource is prayer. Prayer connects us in ways we can’t see. Every day at 2PM, someone in our tribe is praying; praying for the tribe, for the parents, for the siblings, for our marriages, praying for the families traveling to bring their little ones home, praying for the kids who wait, praying for our churches. These prayers are the life-blood of any tribe.

As you’re reading this, maybe you’ve thought of the people in your tribe. What’s something you can initiate today that will help bind you more closely?

If you haven’t found your tribe yet here are some ideas:

Start in your city. Look for adoption support groups or support groups for your specific special need.
Look to your church. If you’re lucky enough to have a special needs ministry, arrange a meeting with the director to find out what resources are available.
Search social media. I can almost guarantee there’s a Facebook group for you.
Read, listen, and watch. Blogs, books, podcasts, documentaries, videos, etc. The creators and curators of these pieces are generally a wealth of knowledge are a eager to help you connect to valuable resources that may very well lead you to your tribe.

And please know this… Even though we may not know each other, I’m praying for you. Hundreds of us (maybe more) are praying for you to find your tribe and love them hard!

– photo by HaLee Curtis Photography; images by Bamboo Cousins
RandallNHBOSig

 

Beyond Folded Hands: Praying for China’s Orphans

August 24, 2016 by nohandsbutours 0 Comments

IMG_3680

I’m not an artist. I’m better with words. At least, that’s what I’ve always believed, that’s what I’ve always told myself. I feel at home with a pen in my hand. It’s familiar and comfortable. I know what to do with it, and I am confident that the ink on the page will eventually produce …Read More

Waiting to be Chosen: Lorelai

August 24, 2016 by nohandsbutours 0 Comments

lorelai3

Say hello to lovely Lorelai! Born in June 2003, she is a beautiful 13 year old girl who will age out of the system and no longer be eligible to be adopted next summer. This outgoing, cheerful, and active girl is happiest when helping others. Her Chinese name means “hope” and it is the hope …Read More

Sign Language and Adoption: The Gift of Communication

August 23, 2016 by nohandsbutours 1 Comments

jenifer1

You’ve made the decision to adopt. Your homestudy is underway or maybe even finished. You’ve taken adoption classes and read book after book. You’ve worked hard to prepare your home, your family and your hearts to bring your little one home. But what about communication? Have you prepared to communicate with your child? For most …Read More

Lessons in Fatherhood

August 22, 2016 by nohandsbutours 1 Comments

just

While it seems like forever ago now, in reality it was only about three and a half years ago that my wife and I began praying about adoption…. Like all parents my wife and I had dreams of healthy babies, healthy incomes, and a healthy marriage. Well, after fifteen, almost sixteen, years of marriage we’ve …Read More

When God Honors Our “Yes”: Our Sign Language Journey, Part Two

August 21, 2016 by nohandsbutours 2 Comments

Claire-and-Ava

In Part one I described how the adoption of our daughter, Ava, born with cleft lip and palate and deafness, set us on a journey to become skilled in sign language. Our desire to support her ability to communicate with others led us on a roller-coaster of experiences and emotions, which culminated in our decision …Read More

Find My Family: Maryanne and Luke

August 20, 2016 by nohandsbutours 0 Comments

Luke MAA Collage 2016

Meet Maryanne. Maryanne is like the precious picture she drew of a little girl reaching out to a mother with tears in her eyes and a beautiful rainbow in the background. She has a light about her and an inner and outer beauty that makes her shine. Maryanne is a beautiful 9-year-old girl who came …Read More

Q & A with the Four Agencies in the FSL Program

August 19, 2016 by nohandsbutours 0 Comments

qanda

With the new Former Shared List (FSL) program unrolled, many people within the Chinese adoption community have questions about what it means for future placements. Over the last three weeks, we’ve looked at these changes from a few different perspectives. First we interviewed Martha Osborne, the founder of RainbowKids, the advocacy site which will host …Read More

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The content found on the No Hands But Ours website is not approved, endorsed, curated or edited by medical professionals. Consult a doctor with expertise in the special needs of interest to you.