Between a Fork and a Chopstick

October 5, 2012 by nohandsbutours heart defect, older child adoption, Sonia 21 Comments

That’s where I find myself. Between a fork and a chopstick. And that’s where I come to you today asking for some momma advice. I love the way these boys eat. ok in truth….I could do without the slurping…..gag but other than that I have no problem with it. But here’s where I am stuck… …Read More

The Myth of the "New Normal"

September 3, 2012 by nohandsbutours heart defect, older child adoption, Sonia 28 Comments

That’s what it feels like to me. A myth. “New” normal? Normal? Whaaa? I’m completely unfamiliar with that word at the moment. The feeling of being normal is elusive to me. Does “the new normal” really even exist? I wonder this because I cannot, for the life of me, find it. Nothing about our life …Read More

He Didn't Get the Memo

August 3, 2012 by nohandsbutours heart defect, older child adoption, Sonia 17 Comments

Have you ever seen the TV show Parenthood? I have. I like that show. Nay. I like-like that show. I love watching family dynamics play out in front of me that I don’t have to stress about or worry over or problem solve It’s a bit like how I learned to be a parent by …Read More

When Enough is Enough

July 3, 2012 by nohandsbutours heart defect, older child adoption, Sonia 93 Comments

I’m confused. I’m heartbroken. I’m left feeling selfish. And in a perpetual state of prayer and wonder. I remember when John and I were discussing Joshua’s adoption and John felt like Joshua needed to be the last one and I completely agreed. We had been home only 3 months with Jacob and Joey and we …Read More

Recalculate

June 3, 2012 by nohandsbutours heart defect, older child adoption, Sonia 14 Comments

When you go on your adoption trip expect it expect to meet Jesus there. I did. And then I walked right past Him. A year and a half later and I am still haunted by my choice. A year and a half ago we had gone to a park one day, you know the one …Read More

Ripples

May 3, 2012 by nohandsbutours older child adoption, Sonia 9 Comments

I took Jacob down to the bay a few days ago and it was as he tip toed into the water and began to play that I saw it ripples. And it occurred to me how his presence there and then in that moment on that bay was affecting change in the water. There were …Read More

He said IT

April 3, 2012 by nohandsbutours older child adoption, Sonia 10 Comments

He said it. Granted, he said it in rage. he said it anger. But regardless of why he still said it…. You are not my mama. Looked me right in the eye and screamed it into my face You are NOT my mama. Been home a little over a year and that is what came …Read More

The Terminal Child

March 6, 2012 by nohandsbutours heart defect, Sonia, Tetrology of Fallot 11 Comments

I still don’t really know how we got here. I still don’t understand why that label Terminal. Didn’t make me turn away from him. Somehow. Someway. I knew. He.Was.Ours. And the fact that he hadn’t been given much time left on this earth somehow didn’t frighten me. It made me sad, certainly. For him, for …Read More