sleep

November 11, 2014 by nohandsbutours co-sleeping, cocooning, Kristi 2 Comments

snuggle

Thump. pitter pat, pitter pat, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, pitter pat, pitter pat. Glancing at the clock I note it is 3:57 AM, a little later than usual. In automatic response to the oh so familiar sound of little feet jumping to the floor and then making their way across the house to my room, …Read More

Daddy Issues

November 7, 2014 by nohandsbutours Amy, Attachment 3 Comments

grace1

When we first met our little one in Urumqi, a northwestern city in the XinJiang province, she quickly attached to our oldest child, our then 14 year old daughter. Next in line was me, then our then 12 year old son, and coming in dead last was my husband. We fiercely loved this child for …Read More

The Fruits of Attachment Labor

September 17, 2014 by nohandsbutours Attachment, Nicole C. 4 Comments

While we were waiting to bring Sunshine home back in 2010 and 2011, I learned as much as I could about fostering attachment. I tried to memorize all of the attachment advice. Build trust by meeting needs quickly, check. Be the only ones to meet all of her needs, check. Love unconditionally, check. Don’t let …Read More

In the Miry Clay

September 3, 2014 by nohandsbutours Attachment, cl/cp, Jennifer, Trust Based Parenting 6 Comments

I was thinking about parents in the adoption trenches today, those stuck down deep in the mud – you know who you are and this one’s for you.  I have had a little time in the trenches, not nearly as much as some of you, but I know that when you are in the muddy …Read More

a mom's struggle with attaching

July 31, 2014 by nohandsbutours adoption realities, Attachment, guest post 16 Comments

I was given a deadline for this post of the end of July – mostly because I asked for one.  That was a month ago.  As I write this I am now only one week out from the deadline, and I’m just now sitting down to put my thoughts on paper.  Although I am a …Read More

like rain in the desert

April 20, 2014 by Carrie Attachment, Carrie 1 Comments

It seems fitting to me that it’s raining in the desert the night before Easter. I can’t remember the last time it rained, and I’ve opened the windows wide in our house. Propped the back door open. I’m inhaling the scent of the air washed clean of all the dust it usually carries; listening to …Read More

the greatest special need of all

February 7, 2014 by nohandsbutours Amy, Attachment, scoliosis, Tetrology of Fallot 7 Comments

Welcome to Amy, mom to Grace adopted from China 8 months ago, and our newest contributor at No Hands But Ours. Amy blogs at Stops Along the Journey. Special needs. We hear those words so often in so many places; schools, adoption agencies, the work place, fast food restaurants, and facebook. Adoptive parents who choose …Read More

trust and pretty shoes

February 21, 2012 by nohandsbutours Adrian, Attachment, older child adoption 1 Comments

Trust is a funny thing.  You kind of don’t notice it, until it is gone… or was never there. I think the sword and shield is the universal symbol for “I don’t trust you yet!” Me:  Okay Ping, we have to run into my work for a second, then we will go home. Ping:  Okay. …Read More

My baby

February 11, 2012 by nohandsbutours Attachment, Kristi 0 Comments

Last Sunday we celebrated five years since our oldest child was placed in my arms in a hot room in southern China.  That means that I’m precisely five years and six days into this glorious adventure called motherhood. The learning curve was vicious at first, but I’ve come a long way.  I feel that I …Read More

I'm Outta here!

April 21, 2011 by nohandsbutours Adrian, Attachment 0 Comments

4 out of 5 arguments are started over Barbie Dolls… G:  Daddy!  DADDY!  Ping is trying to take my barbie doll!Me:  What?  Ping, are you trying to take G’s doll?Ping:  No!Me:  Really?  Because I see her doll in your hand.Ping:  No!Me:  Ping, I can see that you have G’s doll.  Don’t lie to your Daddy.Ping: …Read More

A Way With Da Ladies

September 3, 2010 by nohandsbutours Attachment, guest post 0 Comments

 Today’s guest post is by our first contributor who isn’t a mama… he is a baba. Adrian is father to four children, his youngest daughter adopted from China, and blogs at Forever Family. ____________________________________________________________________ I know there are some stories of adoption out there, where the bonding between child and parent(s) is instant and wonderful! …Read More

Explaining "I Did Not Love My Adopted Child" to My Very Real, Very Loved Daughter

May 2, 2010 by nohandsbutours Attachment, guest post, KJ 4 Comments

A final guest post, contributed by KJ Dell’Antonia (aka Lola Granola). KJ is now a regular contributor at NHBO, so you’ll hear from her monthly beginning this month. KJ is a writer and mother to four children. Her youngest, Rory, was adopted from China in July 2009. She blogs about real life at Raising Devils. …Read More

The Dance

April 12, 2010 by nohandsbutours Attachment, Wife of the Prez 13 Comments

OK, I’ll jump in with both feet here. Attachment is hard work. There, I said it. Now that we have that (or rather now that I have it) on the table, I will just jump in with both feet. But first, a bit of housekeeping as I like to call it on my blog. No, …Read More

That Rare, Highly Desirable Commodity: Me.

March 28, 2010 by nohandsbutours Attachment, guest post 8 Comments

A guest post, contributed by KJ Dell’Antonia (aka Lola Granola). KJDA is a writer (for numerous publications) and is mother to four children. Her youngest, Rory, was adopted from China in July 2009. She blogs about life at Raising Devils. It has been a rough trip, these last six or seven months, and there were …Read More

No hands but mine?

March 5, 2010 by nohandsbutours Attachment, DonnaT 5 Comments

This summer will mark the 5th and 4th anniversaries of our girls adoptions and, as of this writing, I’ve never spent one single night away from them. Okay, that’s not entirely true. I did spend the night at the hospital with Maddy when she had her surgery and Gwen stayed home with Daddy. It wasn’t …Read More

The Shirt and Her Finger: Self-Soothing Comes Full Circle

January 28, 2010 by nohandsbutours Attachment, Wife of the Prez 13 Comments

I was scrolling back through the photos … photos I was given by someone, someone who cares about our daughter. I saw a detail I never noticed before. I think I have always stopped at her face. It says so much, too much for a little girl of 2 years old to understand. So much …Read More

Virtual Twins (Artificial Twinning)

December 5, 2009 by nohandsbutours adoption situations, Attachment, cl/cp, DonnaT 9 Comments

Six months after we came home from China with our first daughter (Gwen), someone on our Agency’s message board announced their 2nd referral: A cute baby with a beaming smile and a very minor cleft palate. A few days later, they updated to say that they’d refused the referral because she was only 2 weeks …Read More

nurturing attachment

March 20, 2009 by nohandsbutours Attachment 1 Comments

I recently was referred to this article by Deborah Gray and found it very helpful as we adjust to life with our newly adopted toddler. Top Ten Tips For the First Year Of Placement For those who are adopting an older child (2+ years), Susan Ward has also offered ten suggestions to assist you during …Read More