In the middle of the night, between the screeching and the pinching and the hitting… …the sweetest moments happen. Since coming home, Mazie and I have been awake 4-6 hours every night with only 1 exception. In the middle of the night while we sit on the couch, without knowing it, my head falls backwards, […]

March 8, Thursday: {the orphanage visit}

March 8

There is so so much to say. I am emotionally drained and still trying to find my peace. Today was the visit to the orphanage. 3+ hours one way. So many feelings and bits of new information, and a better understanding of our girl. My head is swimming trying to process it all. Initially I […]

March 7, Wednesday: {grief}

March 6-6

If the posts recently have been hard to read, you may want to skip this one. I put it out there for those who might be in our shoes next. Our girl is grieving so hard. I mean very hard. So much harder than Tess or Jude ever did. Harder than the other babies in […]

Monday, March 5: {beginnings}

March 5-8

There was rain and then a traffic jam, and by the time the babies reached the hotel they were two hours past due. They brought Mazie directly to our`room because they were so late, and I was glad for this. On top of the trauma of being passed to us, she was overly tired, very […]

The Labor of Adoption


My head is absolutely full. Overflowing. T-2 1/2 days. Really, could I be leaving for China that soon? Oh yes you can. I wake up each morning, look out on the floor, and wonder who in the world spilled my brains out all over the carpet. Now how did those get there? I told myself […]

I am the Abductor


This might come off sounding awful, but here it goes. When my new daughter comes into my arms, {17 days from today!} I think it’s ok if she cries. Screaming, wailing, flailing… it’s all ok with me. And here’s the awful part, part of me is hoping there will be “a reaction” or some kind. […]

The Plan vs The Unknown


You know that saying…You want to see God laugh?  Just tell him what your plans are!I’m pretty sure it went down like that. In July of last year Papa and I carefully looked over our agency’s special need’s list.  It’s a paper that lists about 50 possible special needs.  Hepatitis C, missing limbs, cleft lip and […]