t-minus very soon

August 1, 2012 heart defect, Kam 7 Comments

I typically have a pretty good idea where I’m going with a post here. I mean, it’s only once a month, right? How hard can it be? My slot is usually the first day of each month. So by the week before it’s due, I’ve at least got a jumping-off point. But this time is different. My mind feels fried! And sadly, cohesive thoughts are far and few between!

I consider my small role as a blogger for NHBO to be one as an encourager. Someone to write about things that would spur you on to consider adopting a child with needs, to come along side you who are in the thick of the process and to lift up those of you who have adopted. I try to be intentional and post things that make us think and stretch us to consider others.

But this month?

All I can think about is us.

So forgive my selfish indulgence.

Because friends, we are going to China soon!
We now find ourselves smack dab in the middle of the wait for Travel Approval. Our Article 5 was picked up last week. You China peeps know about that all too well. And so here we are.

T-minus…sometime very soon.

It’s highly likely that I will be on an airplane when September 1st rolls around. Or will have been in country for a week already.


And the road, while incredibly short for all intents and purposes, has been a beautiful tragedy in so many ways. Being this close to travel, I’m contemplating where we’ve been, what we’ve walked and am able to embrace it in a new way.

We began the process last year for a 13 month old little boy whose special needs were 5 heart defects and a radial club hand. And I should say, by way of encouragement, we began with no money!

Can I get an amen?

But we knew God had spoken. We put 300 red stones in a jar and we trusted Him for provision. Each stone tangibly representing $100.

We were blown away in October by how the Lord was moving stones out of our jar! He was providing in the most amazing ways. We were soaring in our faith.

And then a month later, the call came that we always knew was possible but didn’t want to believe would happen.

We lost our son, Seth, on November 10th. He was in Kunming and due to complications from heart surgery, he died. These were the hardest and darkest days of my life thus far. I just can’t tell you. He would have turned two in July and my heart still aches for him. Our beautiful boy, pictured here just two weeks before he died, was gone.

My husband and I took two months and cried and prayed and struggled to hear from the Lord what His plan could be. How He would bring beauty from our ashes. And in February, we submitted paperwork for our 3rd son, the little prince {as we affectionately called him}. We later named him Gabe.

Gabriel Seth.

Gabe’s heart was sick, but not nearly to the degree as Seth’s was. He had other needs listed as well and while I struggled to let go of Seth…I also struggled to let Gabe in. I pressed on in prayer and day by day, and sometimes minute by minute, The Lord grafted Gabe into me. Into us.

I mean come on. How sweet is this boy?

Forgive me. This post is so self indulgent. I can’t even stand it. Sooo ready to hop on that plane and bring this sweetie home.

I know that our Seth is well. Perfect. Healed and whole. And knowing that our sweet Gabe is just weeks away from leaving all he knows and loves is weighing heavy on me these days. Do you all get that way before travel? I teeter between moments of pure bliss at the thought of holding Gabe for the first time and moments where I’m driven to God in prayer for his little heart that will grieve the loss of his foster family and all that he knows. Some days, many days, it’s just too much.

Because some days, you get something like this unexpectedly in your inbox.

And then your day is shot staring at every detail. Memorizing every feature…again.

We’re so close. So close I can feel it.

And that jar?

The one that represented $30,000? The one that held 300 stones?

It’s empty.

It’s empty, but our hearts are full.

Of love and gratitude and humility for what the Lord has done.

We are t-minus soon.

And that’s just about all we can think about these days.

7 responses to “t-minus very soon”

  1. Awww! Congrats! We’ve been waiting for 5 weeks for TA….its so unheard of we’re still in shock its been 5 weeks! *sigh* Can’t come soon enough for this mama!

    • Kam says:

      Jolene, I can’t imagine! My goodness. So sorry that this is taking so long for you. I will add you to my prayers! I hope you have news soon!

  2. Kristin says:

    Both of these boys are just beautiful! Love the picture of the empty jar; ours is full, just getting started, but reading this post is an encouragement! We’re waiting right now for PA for our little girl so we’ve got a ways to go, but this site and others have been so helpful with questions and concerns. Thank you for sharing!

    • Kam says:

      Thank you, Kristin! I hope your process moves speedy quick and that your PA is here soon! What an exciting time for you all! Congratulations!

  3. Aus says:

    Kam – lovely post – and I think we can give you a pass on a little self indulgence! This is “that time” – the time when you can see the finish line and start the sprint – it IS about you (the collective you – your family!) and as a bunch of fellow adoptive (or soon to be adoptive) folks – we “get that”!

    So here’s to that quick TA – and a wish for fair winds and following seas on your travels!

    and hugs – aus and co.

  4. Sandra says:

    Kam….thank you so much for this post! Your son is so adorable and I hope that you travel soon to go and get him!
    We came home the first week in April with our son! He is such a perfect fit for our family and we adore him. He was 3 when we went to China and turned 4 in May. He was born with a meningocele but only has a slight limp, is very smart and can run like the wind! I love the picture of your jar and how in time the funds to go and get your little sweetie is possible!
    I would start the process again in a minute if it were possible but money is definitely is an issue for us….hopefully someday we can go back for a little girl 🙂
    Thanks again for this lovely post!

  5. Kam says:

    Thanks so much, Aus. You’re always such an encouragement to everyone here. I really appreciate that about you. Many thanks~

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