perspective and prayers {7.1.13}

July 3, 2013 Kam 9 Comments

I wrote most of this post at 12:37am Monday morning. Before anything happened. Before reality came. I was broken and sad and pondering some weighty things. And sleep just would not come. Do you ever do this? Does your mind spin and swirl and succumb to hard thoughts late at night? Do you see faces of precious littles who need to be healed? Mine does, I do.

I was asking God to give us peace. To hear our cries.

About unknown outcomes.

And hurting hearts.

And hopeful answers.

If your Facebook feed is anything like mine, it has been lighting up for a few weeks and months really, with links and prayer requests for little Teresa. Beautiful Teresa whose heart transplant was unsuccessful recently. I have been broken for this family. Holding on to the hope that God had a miracle waiting in the wings for this precious one.

With this struggle in the early hours of this morning, before the sun dare show it’s face, I was remembering a conversation that my husband and I had when we were praying about adopting our Seth, born with five serious congenital heart defects, from China.

Him :: “What if he dies, babe? What if we get him home and he still dies? How will our children ever get over that? How will we?”

Me :: “I don’t have an answer for that. Only that at least we would be with him. That I could hold him and he would know the love of a family for however long God gave us.”

Him :: “How can we do this?”

Me {crying} :: “I don’t know.”

And a few days later….

Him :: “How can we not do this?”

That was the real question. How can we NOT do this?

Don’t get me wrong. There were plenty of special needs beyond the realm of comfort for our family. It is a decision that parents must make with the utmost care and consideration. I’m in no way placing blame or judgement on anyone for what or how they choose their children.

Only to say, that we were led. We were called. He spoke. We wearily, fearfully obeyed.

Though I didn’t see it then, I can now say it was a measure of God’s grace that our Seth went to Heaven before coming home to his forever family. Grace that our babies never hugged him or laughed with him at dinner or howled as he streaked through the living room buck naked after his bath.

A devastating and wondrous grace.

Yet my arms ache for him. And my mama heart longs to whisper to him how loved he was. How loved he is. How he was chosen and so wanted. I wanted to be there to hold him when he died. I pray his foster family was there in my stead.

Grace. That our Gabe came home in place of his brother. That he is here and is adored and is the happiest and sweetest prince you could ever hope to meet.

And so I know that Teresa’s parents are recipients of grace as well. They have been given the blessing of her…touching her, kissing her and telling her about the beauty of the Savior. Their grace is devastating and wondrous as well. In a manner far beyond my comprehension.

And I’m so torn tonight.

Because Teresa’s parents begged for her life to be sustained. And I and thousands others joined with them in that prayer. Petitioning for healing. Our God answered that prayer perfectly. Not in the way we wanted. We know now only in part, one glorious day, we shall know fully. But we trust Him.

Torn also because our little prince is facing a surgery of his own next Monday. One whose success we’ve been told is looking bleak.

Not life threatening at all.

But potentially, drastically life altering.

And my heart hurts for him.

We didn’t see this coming. Our surgeon didn’t see it coming. The plan has changed. His body has so scarred down that a necessary repair may be impossible.

Yet we trust Him.

This beautiful boy,
statemeet 011b

who comes outside in only a diaper to ride his favorite toy,

and who is asked 100 times a day for a “pucker kiss” by his sister,

and who, in recent days, has become an absolute fish in the water,

is our utter and complete joy.

It’s true, we didn’t expect the prognosis we’ve been given. And I’m sure that while Teresa’s precious parents fully accepted the risks in beginning her adoption, they surely hoped and prayed that her path would be a miraculous one with minimal struggle. And they would do it all over again.

We would all do it again. Wouldn’t we?

Because these babies are our treasures. Toddler or child, baby or teenager…these babies are our treasures. And whatever, whenever, however we need to help make them well, and give them every chance to be healthy…we gladly do it.

Are you afraid of adopting a child with special needs?

Don’t be.

Instead, be prepared for blessing to be heaped upon blessing in your life. Because every Teresa, whose very life is in jeopardy by a heart that needs healing…and every Gabe, whose body just doesn’t work like it should, deserves a family. They need someone to say that they are worth it. The pain, the heartache, the risk and even the strained finances do not compare to the unsurpassing joy of grafting them in to a forever family.

Will you be the one? Will you say YES? Will you dare to imagine how beautiful and blessed it is to change these precious orphans into sons and daughters?

You may regret it if you don’t. But I promise, you will never regret it if you do.

9 responses to “perspective and prayers {7.1.13}”

  1. Dardi says:

    Oh my goodness, I just reposted on my blog something I wrote last year after our daughter came home. It is very much along the same lines as what you said so beautifully here. I think God is already using Teresa’s life to inspire courage in people to step into His blessings. I shared my post on Teresa’s FB page & am going to link to this post in the comments…God is making a point! Praying for your little guy’s surgery.

  2. nancy says:

    Theyare all so perfectly and wonderful made. Thank you for the tribute to Teresa. and you Gabe. and sharing a part of him with us that we may “get it” a little bit more with each word.

  3. HN says:

    I am crying for your little guy…but I will pray too! For Gabe, for your family, for the doctor! That pic of him in his diaper is just too precious!

    I have heard the call to adopt a SN child, but my husband has not–SN or otherwise. It has been a lonely road for me and a heavy heart when I see that i could make a difference, but can’t.

    Love to you….love to you all.

  4. Oh, so true right now. Right on Kam!

  5. I posted this on the Facebook prayer page for Teresa. Thank you for this beautiful tribute.

  6. Linda says:

    I wish we were younger and able to do this. Blessing to you and your family for making one little boy loved.

  7. Kat Pelletier says:

    I was in the process of adopting our little girl and she got sick and passed away. I’ve cried myself to sleep many nights because she was in a hospital room all alone. I just pray that one of her caregivers took some time to comfort her since I never could. We have since adopted our son, the joy of our life and are in the first stages of adopting an older child (and we have two bio children). This piece is wonderful and my prayers are with you and every other family that adopts.

  8. Stefanie says:

    Beautiful in every way, my friend. Thank you for always sharing your heart.
    Will be lifting up your little Prince!

  9. Hollie says:

    I hope he is doing OK? He has been in my thoughts, still.

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