day 5: dear birthmother

November 5, 2014 30shareadoptionchallenge 1 Comments

From Kelli: I’m so excited that so many of you are taking this challenge and sharing adoption with others! Did you know that our social media reach is more than 15,000 in just five days! That is amazing!

Throughout our 30 days together, we’ll look at so many different facets of adoption. Yesterday Maureen touched upon the importance of remembering and keeping each child’s past in perspective. Still this week we’ll talk more about special needs and what it is to age out of the system with some pretty special waiting kiddos to be featured.

Tonight however, Courtney Fowler reminds us that while we, as adoptive parents or adoptive parents-to-be, are given the amazing opportunity to watch this incredible child grow and mature, they’re still missing something. That void is still there and it always be. And as parents, we must be respectful of it.


From Courtney:

Dear birth mom, 

I am like you; a birth mom.  I am also an adoptive mom.  Growing up, I wondered how a family with biological children and adopted children could love each other equally.  Now I know.  There is no difference.  My children are my children just as if they were all born to me.  It is a love that goes beyond all understanding.  A love that knows no boundaries, no limits. 

As I stand here watching my son, I am thinking of you, and tears fill my eyes. He has no idea I am watching him as he happily plays with his building block set. He carefully chooses each one and stacks them one upon another in a pyramid of color.

In his construction, he accidentally pinches his finger.  He gasps and begins to cry. A tear rolls down his cheek.  He comes to me and I am able to soothe him with one of my healing, magical mommy kisses.  He happily returns to his work. 

Thank you for that moment.

I remember the look on his face when he saw his first birthday cupcake.  His beautiful two-year-old face was full of awe and wonder as he gazed upon the lit candle.  The flame danced and cast happy glimmers of light upon his bright eyes and plump cheeks.  As we sang happy birthday he looked at each of his family members in turn; with a smile playing at his little lips and a giggle daring to bubble over.  He happily… and neatly… enjoyed each and every bite of his birthday cupcake.

Thank you for that moment.

His three year old brother spent almost an entire year dressed in a superhero cape, eye mask and wrist cuffs.  He was proud and stood with his chest puffed out when he wore it; ready to help with anything that needed a superhero.  He proclaimed his Superhero status to all who would listen.  At church, the grocery store, the doctor’s office.  For that year he made the world a safer place, and put a smile on the face of all who saw him. 

Thank you for those moments. 

My husband and I are getting ready to return to China and adopt our daughter.  I imagine how our first meeting will be with her.  A day full of nervous excitement and fear, signaling new beginnings; yet at the same time, immense sadness as she leaves behind the only world she’s ever known to travel to her forever home.  Even though I have not met her yet, I cannot wait for that moment, and I thank you for that.

Because of you I have the privilege of kissing his cheeks, rocking him to sleep, being the object of his affection and pouring Jesus into him. I can only imagine the heartache you feel when you think of your child. Your loss. Your grief. Because when I think of him I experience joy. Acceptance. Peace. I want you to know that I adore him with every ounce of my being. 


I admire you; the courage you must have had to desire a better life for your child. The tears of sorrow, not joy, as you placed him in another’s arms, hoping and praying that your decision was for the best; that the months you carried him in your body and the sacrifices you made for him – they were worth it.

I want you to know that he is safe, he is happy, and he is loved. 


Thank you… for my child.

One response to “day 5: dear birthmother”

  1. Amber says:

    Would like to know the current status of Lili Beth. Tq.

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