When An Adoption Fails

May 15, 2015 failed adoption, Jean 0 Comments

God told us to name her Grace… not because her name was Grace… but because we would need His grace to get through this. He was teaching us to handle our disappointment and sorrow through His gift of grace…

In May 2014 we received PA (pre approval) for a wonderful little girl that was just turning 6 yrs old. For this older than average adopting couple, we were on the moon and as happy as can be.


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Everything was moving along until a rather out of the ordinary incident happened and then everything changed.

We spent the next seven months trying to clear it up and move forward with our adoption. Those seven months were some of the hardest months we have been through and even though our outcome was not what we hoped for, it was worth it.

Five times the door opened for us and five times the door unexpectedly slammed shut. Five times we communicated to our agency that it was looking good and five times we had to go back to them and tell them, we were wrong.

Five times, God had a chance to keep the door open and five times He didn’t…

Once it become painfully obvious that this adoption was not part of His plan we began to mourn the loss of the children we had hoped would join our family.


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I was mad at God. I kept thinking “Really God, really? How can this be? Why God”?

I went through a period of doubting myself as a parent. Maybe I’m not doing a good enough job? Maybe the children at home are all that we can handle and our two new additions would have thrown us over the edge?

Then, I turned my focus on the opposition. Fine, you want to try to hurt us go ahead – God will turn all that you do into good! Instead of two children coming home to our house we hope to help many children come home to their homes!

I went through a period of pleading with God and letting Him know he had a willing servant that He was “under utilizing”. That would surely make Him change his mind.

Throughout this journey God has loved us and God has valued us. It is hard to see in the midst of disappointment and sorrow but as the days go by we are reminded again and again of His love for us.

He has a plan and it’s a good one. He knows our hearts. He knows our passion for the orphans and He will not under-utilize us.

He has a plan for us that we cannot even imagine.  It may be simple or it may be more involved, we don’t know. So for now we wait on Him.

When we look back at the five times the door was shut we are still baffled by it, we just shake our heads because it doesn’t make sense. We are both problem solvers and determined people so we had some very good solutions. However, each time the door was closed “His will” was made clear.

God won and therefore we won because we want “His will” above all else. Once the two children have their forever families they will have won, too! (For more information on adopting either of these two precious children, please contact Lifeline.)

Are you in the adoption process and facing rejection, disappointment and sorrow?

He is there right next to you with open arms. If you let Him, He will comfort you. He does not want you to travel this road alone and He is there for you.

Please know there are so many ways you can be involved in caring for orphans. Praying for them, advocating for them, sponsoring them, donating towards needed surgeries, mission trips, helping a family that is struggling with an adoption, sending supplies to an orphanage, volunteering at an orphanage, and this list will never stop.

NHBO also has opportunities to become involved and help orphans.

Don’t let your broken heart stop you from helping orphans. Find your comfort in Him and forge on! The opposition would love it if we all gave up. We cannot do that, we need to help these children in every way that we can. Find your way!

There are so many circumstances that create a situation where families are unable to proceed with their adoption. Don’t speculate on others situations. Give the family the benefit of doubt and support them. They have lost a child that they hoped would be theirs. They are hurting and they need your prayers and your encouragement. 

We have truly appreciated all the encouragement that we have received. Your prayers, your kind words, your tender emails, your encouraging messages have all made a difference to us. You have walked beside us during a tough time. You can help others who are experiencing this type of loss by showing them the same kindness that you showed us.

Will we adopt again? Maybe, we just don’t know. We need to see what His plan for us is… If it includes future adoptions, okay but maybe He will send us in a different direction? We don’t know.

I love the song by 7eventh Time Down, “Just Say Jesus”. When you don’t know what to say “Just say Jesus”. When you are praying and words fail you just say His name.

For me the words “I trust You” keep coming to mind. I trust You, Lord! I trust You! We look forward to Your plan and Your direction!



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