It Takes a Village: A Letter From a Newly Home Family

October 13, 2015 cocooning, first weeks home, October 2015 Feature - It Takes a Village, supporting adoptive families 7 Comments

Dearest Family and Friends,

As you may know, we are about to deplane. Yes, we have returned with our precious cargo. We cannot wait to take a shower see you. You may not recognize our tribe at this point, as we have just survived the travel version of the Spartan race. This is what’s left, sweet friends. You should all start practicing your poker faces now. We look bad. We smell bad. We might feel bad. After flying from the other side of the planet, we may even act… bad, especially the under-aged and brand new citizen. Please exempt these lovies from social courtesies. The new citizen may need a 12 month extension to this expectation all together. In Jesus name, Amen.


As we approach, please be advised. Any or all of us may be emotionally volatile. If so, welcome to our current crazy. We will do our best to prevent any splattering. Tra la la… nothing to see here, just innocent civilians trying to find our bags.

We will probably pull it together long enough to tell you how amazing our God is. Because He is. We are amazed at how His hand was and still is in every single detail of this story. You will walk away thinking we are totally championing this, and the me walking away with the anxious little bundle may tell you we are fine. But the sometimes silent me needs you more than ever. I’m really going to NEED you…. and here’s the short list, so brace yourselves.

1. We need for you to check on us. Maybe a text or an email. We will probably feel isolated and exhausted. We may need help with little things like….what day it is. Texting encouraging words, scripture or prayers for our family can bring light and truth into some difficult moments. It can be life giving and will push us forward.

2. Please do not give up on us. If we do not respond right away to your texts, emails or phone calls, it is most likely not because we want to be unsocial, but because attachment and bonding is hard work y’all. We are pouring into these little ones and some days seem to never end. There is a good chance we cannot remember the last time we went to the bathroom alone. We may read the text and literally seconds later spend thirty minutes working our little one out of an emotional spiral, and then forget what it was we were doing {and what day it is… and how old we are….}.


3. Circus Cocoon… We may turn into trolls. I mean, we may stay home…..a lot. For a long time. Truth is, this show is not ready to go on the road. If you, poor soul, find yourself inside the cocoon, {GASP!} or even spot our troll family out {which will be at church because….for real} here are some thoughts to consider. You could drop off a can of coffee and make a quick escape through a fake text if the underage trolls are at a heightened emotional state. If they are calm, then the stars have aligned. Make some of that coffee and sit a spell. However do not expect complete sentences or coherent conversation, as the adult trolls will be in shock. If our baby troll solicits love and affection… or a cracker from you, please defer them to us exhausted adult trolls. This is completely normal and will encourage sweetness to attach to her family. This will also protect the very fragile and hard fought bond that is still forming in our little troll family. If we occasionally pull back, it’s not because we don’t want community. We just need to nourish the fragile grafting of our family.

4. We are probably vitamin deficient. I will most likely tell you that I ate a Reese’s peanut butter cup for dinner. I will probably not tell you that my children had the same thing, or that a real vegetable hasn’t crossed our lips in days. I’m really uncomfortable being the recipient of a meal. My mind just goes crazy imagining all of the people in my community that have a greater need for this than my jet lag and marathon attachment and bonding exhaustion. But you will see that we all look anemic, and I will cry after you leave because you just blessed my family with 45 minutes to be, not just in the same room, but together.


5. Pray. As you may know, we have legally abducted this child. Although my paperwork clearly states that I am the parent, it will take some time to establish this with my bundle. This is Holy Work. Only the Spirit of The Living God can know and discern our innermost thoughts and intentions. He made her. He knows her and it is He who will bind us. Please pray for Him to guide us in these moments. Pray for our awareness of her unspoken needs and for her spirit to be receptive to us meeting those needs. This all sounds good on paper but I can assure you that it will look like a total train wreck. Meaning sometimes we will think she needs a cuddle when she really wants grilled seaweed.

So there you have it, in a nutshell. Give or take-ish. I know…. you need a moment. It’s a lot. We are now those people. I totally get it. We even make me nervous. I can’t promise that everything will go back to “normal”. I can’t promise that I will even be the same person. You may not have signed up for this.

What I can do, is tell you I love you, and this is hard, possibly one of the hardest things my little family has done. We are fragile and needy, maybe even a little scary. But in all of this hard, we know adoption is a miracle. We have seen God work in ways we could not have imagined and cannot wait to share this crazy, messy, beautiful miracle with each and every one of you.


– guest post by Amy

7 responses to “It Takes a Village: A Letter From a Newly Home Family”

  1. Hope Smith says:

    thank you for sharing. Love you!

  2. connie says:

    What an awesome post, my friend! It was such a blessing to travel with you!!

  3. Shanna says:

    Amy…you have such a gift for speaking about adoption from a place of love and awe and honesty. I love love love this. <3

  4. Laura says:

    Oh Amy,

    Loved this! We met briefly on our way home on the flight to Detroit and at that harried time you gave me one of your last diapers because we were on our last ones and none to be found at the airport! You have a beautiful family and I love having the chance to thank you again and also share how much your post is so accurate and meaningful. Richest blessings to you!!!

  5. Sara Rowland says:

    We just received our LID.
    We are waiting to see who our little boy is.
    Thank you for sharing your “real life” . I know I need to hear this, and remember that beyond what right now is my pure anticipation moments, is moments of uncertainty and perhaps fear. Right now, we cannot even wait to see his face. WE dream of what our life will be like when he’s home. We know we cannot totally prepare , as there are many unknowns and we are learning together , but I appreciated what you shared to give a real insight of your journey at its rawest moments. Thank you and know that I will pray for your beautiful family.

  6. Laura Morrison says:

    Best gift my sister ever gave me was to show up that first day and say, “You go to sleep. Tell me where her formula is and how much to give her. I’ll take care of her while you sleep.” Then she ordered in pizza. I took a shower, ate some pizza and went right to sleep. I actually felt like a human when I woke up and I could be a better parent. Best gift EVER!

  7. Rachel says:

    This is what I imagine my letter would be to my friends and family as well. We leave for Korea to meet our little boy next week and I have been trying to figure out how to express all my thoughts. And we’ll you did it for me. Thank you so much for sharing this!! I will be sharing your words with many!!

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