Q: Tell us about your family.
Well, so far (wink, wink) our family consists of me, my husband Keith, and our little guy, Shaw. Keith and I met when I was working as a public defender in Southwest Colorado. We were married about a year later. Yes, it was a total whirlwind. Both of us are originally from the East Coast (we grew up just 5 hours apart from each other), and about four years ago, we made the big move home to be closer to our families.
Now, we live about 10 minutes from my parents as well as my sister’s family, and we’re so happy for Shaw to be able to grow up with his cousins—one of whom (Elsa) is about one month younger than Shaw. We are also very lucky to have my mom watch Shaw and Elsa every day while we work.
Keith works as an Electrical Power Generation Technician (he programs and fixes giant generators that run things like hospitals and Navy ships). I am a public defender specializing in capital litigation (I represent people who are charged with capital murder and facing the death penalty).
We love to camp in our teardrop trailer, and we love traveling as much as we can. Shaw has been with us for about 10 months, and so far, he has been to: North Carolina, Maryland, Delaware, New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, and Florida. He’s also toured the entire state of Virginia (where we live), and has gotten in his first trips to the beach and the mountains this summer. In July, he went on his first plane ride since coming home from China, and he did great! In August, he was able to ride his first real choo-choo train. I would say that the train ride was probably the highlight of his life since he joined our family. (Shaw’s first word every morning is choo-choo.)
Q: What led you to adopt from China?
We struggled with infertility for years, and eventually decided that maybe parenting wasn’t in our future. I just had this nagging feeling, though, that I was supposed to be a mom, and one day when I came home from work, I sat down with Keith and told him that I just didn’t think I’d be truly satisfied with my life unless I became a mama. Keith’s best friend’s sister has three girls from China, and he told me to call her and get more information about adoption. I remember telling him right then — “You know it is all over right? We ARE going to adopt a baby after I make this phone call.”
About nine months later, we were home with Shaw. What I didn’t realize at the time was how much I’d fall in love with everything about China — the culture, the people, the food — I spend so much of my time now reading about China, learning how to cook Chinese food, and planning our next trip there.
Q: Which province is your child from?
Shaw is from Nanchang in Jiangxi Province.
Q: What special needs are represented in your family?
Shaw has Severe Hemophilia B. His body is missing one of the proteins that make his blood clot. Because of this, he receives bi-weekly IV infusions of synthetic clotting protein at our local children’s hospital. His dad and I are about to start classes so that we can do the IVs at home, and we can’t wait for the freedom that we will have when we don’t have to rely on other people to give Shaw his medicine.
Q: What is your favorite aspect of adoption? Hardest?
Adoption made me a mama. In some ways, it is a bittersweet way to become a mom — I always think about Shaw’s birth mother, and what she must have gone through for us to enjoy the privilege of parenting her sweet baby boy — but, her gift and sacrifice has resulted in the greatest joy of my lifetime.
For me, the hardest thing was that I had prepared in every way possible for this journey, and it didn’t go exactly how I’d imagined it would. Our China trip was very difficult. Shaw rejected me, and continued to reject me for a long time after we got home. I was so jet lagged for many weeks, and I felt lost because he was fighting me at every turn for some control over his new life. Over the months, our bond has grown and strengthened little by little, and I’m happy to say that we are in a great place, but those first months were very hard and lonely.
Q: In one or two sentences, what are two tips applying to any part of the adoption process?
I would urge people to connect with the wonderful community of adoptive mamas on Facebook — China Adoption Questions and the Special Needs Resources group are good places to start. No one will understand your journey to your child like the moms who have been there before, and those who are adopting on a similar timeline.
And try to live in the moment. I was so bad at this. I worried and stressed about every little thing and every piece of paper, and I wish I could have remembered to breathe and enjoy my last few months before motherhood.
Q: How has adoption grown, stretched, or changed you?
Adoption has taken me out of my comfort zone. It’s made me live a little more outside of the tiny bubble of my neighborhood, family, and work life. It’s made me more globally aware.
Adoption has shaken up any notion that I had previously held about what it means to parent, and has helped me develop a solid parenting philosophy, rooted in connection with my child above all else.
Adoption has resulted in a large chunk of my heart taking up permanent residence in China — I spend my time not only scheming about how to get back to China, but also in trying to think of ways that I might make an impact there. While many of my thoughts these days tend towards another adoption, I’m also very proud to work as a volunteer foster care coordinator for Love Without Boundaries.
Q: Can you share a few of your favorite personal blog posts? Some shared by others on NHBO?
My favorite post of my own is my story of our journey to Shaw. It was also my first post for NHBO! You can read it here.
This post by Rebecca is my absolute favorite thing I’ve ever read on NHBO, and I reread it a lot. It encapsulates every single thing I love about the China adoption community, and why I’m so proud to be a part of it.
Q: What is your favorite book? Quote? Verse?
I am a voracious reader, and I don’t know that I could name a favorite book, but I’ll tell you some that I’ve loved recently:
Becoming Wise by Krista Tippett
Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson
Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates
All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr
The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt
Parenting books:
No-Drama Discipline and The Whole-Brain Child by Dan Siegel are two of my favorites.
Q: What is something most people don’t know about you?
Unless you’ve known me since college, you might not know that I have an undergraduate degree in Violin Performance. Violin was my world from fifth grade through my mid-20s, and although I ultimately ended up at law school, my love of music is always there in the background. I still play violin every now and then, one of my first purchases when we moved into our house was a piano, and I am a proud member of the Alto section in my church choir.
Q: Can you share a favorite “mom hack” that makes life easier for you?
People are seriously going to get tired of me talking about this, but I am obsessed with my Instant Pot. (For those who don’t know, it is an electric pressure cooker.) Since I got this thing, I bet we’ve gone out to dinner two times. I make one pot meals in it almost every night, and clean-up is unbelievably fast and easy. Just a knife, cutting board, and the metal bowl that fits inside the pot! I’m able to dump all the ingredients in, set it, and go play with Shaw while it cooks a delicious meal in no time. (Hey, Instant Pot, do you need a new spokeswoman??)
Q: If you could share one parting thought with someone considering special needs adoption, what would it be?
I want you all to know that when we started our adoption journey, I was terrified of most of the special needs on the medical conditions list. I didn’t think that I was particularly well-qualified to parent a child with a special need. We ultimately said yes to Shaw, who has a chronic severe bleeding disorder, because of a gut feeling, and we decided never to look back. Fast forward 10 months, and Hemophilia is way down on my list of concerns when I parent Shaw.
I would say that, in addition to your child’s listed special need, it is imperative that you educate yourself on orphanage behaviors, attachment, and trauma-related issues. By far and away, I worry about attachment way more than Hemophilia, and I am so grateful for the time that I spent reading about parenting children from hard places before we met Shaw. The Connected Child is a good place to begin your reading.
Q: Wildcard question, contributor’s choice: (August 25th marked the 100th anniversary of the National Park Service, so since I love to travel the USA, I am going to list my top 3 favorite parks)
Arches National Park in Utah
Denali National Park in Alaska
and last but certainly not least, Shenandoah National Park in Virginia
– images by Shannon Zaller
What a beautiful story Faith. I enjoyed every minute of it. You should write a book. I have said that for a long time. You and Keith have a beautiful boy and a wonderful life ahead. Love you three very much.
You are not only an interesting person with a wonderful family, you have a tremendous way with words. I believe you could make a technical manual read like a best-selling work of fiction. Thank you for being inspiring and expanding my world. ????