The Wonderful Blessing of Boys

January 5, 2017 adopting a boy, adopting again, December 2016 Feature - Adopting a Boy, Kelley B. 8 Comments

When we started our China adoption journey, I was certain we would be bringing home one tiny baby girl. Sometimes God has bigger, different, and even better things in store for us.

Our journey to our two boys has proven to be one of the best things to happen to our family

About four years ago, we began looking into adopting from China. At the time, we knew very little about the statistics of waiting boys vs. girls. We were newbies in the international adoption world and just desperate to know the face of the child God had for us.

We had been telling both our agency and social worker that we really wanted a girl. I had in my heart that God was going to give us a girl. This was not just a feeling — I had even gone as far as made a whole “girl themed” nursery…. with a pink crib and frilly curtains. Oh, and my biological kids were walking around sporting I have a sister in China shirts. Yep — I was serious y’all.

Then, in October 2012, an unexpected phone call changed our lives.

Our sweet agency contact had a file for us to look at, a precious child who she believed would be a perfect fit for our family. Only thing… it was a file of a boy. I laughed so hard and said, “Sure. Send me the file anyway.” I think I agreed just to please her.

I was not prepared in any way for what was about to happen. I opened up that email and saw the face of the most precious little black haired boy I had ever laid eyes on. I was not looking at a file of a child. I was looking at my child. I sobbed and emailed our agency back a simple, “I love him.” I was undone. Completely head over heels.

I kept looking at my computer screen then back at the pink nursery that sat waiting for the little girl I thought I was getting. My husband got home and he too fell head over heels. There were several little “God winks” in our new son’s file that confirmed even more that he was ours.

We agreed — this was our boy!

We sent in our intention to China to adopt our son and waited until it was time to travel and get our new boy.

He is all kinds of sweet, funny, spunky, all boy and rambunctious packaged together in the most beautiful way.

Bringing home our Regis was a pivotal point in our lives. We now call him our “game changer” – everything changed with his addition to our family. Our hearts were softened with this boy. We soon became aware of the crisis that plagues China adoption right now — the influx of thousands of boys.

Boys passed over simply because they are boys.

Just nine months after bringing home Regis, God did fulfill His promise of that girl I had in my heart. We did have a daughter in China, He just had a son for us first. And, in the ways that are only God designed, He had yet another son for us just a year after bringing home our girl.

Three China babes in less that three years. We are so very blessed.

Ridge joined our family just over a year ago. At the time we found him we were not looking to adopt again. I ran across his picture several times on an advocacy site, offered up my experience in handling his medical need (he had clubfoot like our Regis) several times before finding out on New Year’s Eve, he had still not been matched with a family. I requested his file and got it in my inbox within minutes. My hubby at this point still had no idea (sorry hun) and of course – after reading his file and seeing more pictures of him – was undone all over again.

He was our missing piece we never knew was missing.

I had another son in China and I could not have been more elated! My shell-shocked husband was soon on board, and we traveled to adopt our baby boy eight months later. The addition of this baby boy to our family has been the most tender sweet time. He came into our family when God knew we would need a reminder of his faithfulness and his goodness.

Our Regis and Ridge were on the “special focus list” — a list of available children in China with more significant medical needs and/or hard to place. Their needs are not significant, I am convinced they were designated to this list simply for the fact they were boys, therefore harder to place. This is heartbreaking.

Hundreds of boys wait.

You may be reading this and thinking, “Wow, she is biased towards boys.” But that’s not it at all. Anyone who comes to me for adoption advice, I always encourage to be open to the Lord’s leading.

I had a dream in my heart for a baby girl, but God had different plans. And after walking the halls of an orphanage and seeing boy after boy, I was changed and burdened for more families to consider boys.

There are adoption agencies right now that have large amounts of logged in families waiting to be matched with girls — with maybe only one or two families willing to adopt a boy.

For those whose heart is for orphan care…. the call to care for the least of these… anytime we see a statistic like this it’s heartbreaking. This upsets me just like girls in India being aborted simply because they are girls. Back when adoptions started in China, girls were usually the only choice. That has since changed, and so we have to change with that.

Things on our end need need to evolve. Yes we can be called to adopt girls. We were called to adopt a precious girl. We are so blessed by her!

But we also saw the need for more families to adopt boys! I simply cannot put into words how these two boys have changed our world. Our oldest son who is 17 will tell you how much he loves and adores these boys. I have seen my teenager come home from school and just melt over seeing his little brothers. Their bond, their sibling relationship is something so precious to witness and I shudder to think of what I would have been robbing my oldest from had we not said yes to these two boys.

Everyone’s story and calling to a particular child is different and unique. But I do see that sometimes in our journey to find our child – sometimes our own “wants” may muddy that choice of what child is best for our family.

All I ask of families in this process is be sensitive to the Lord’s leading. Had we not — had I said to our social worker that day, “Nope, we said a girl, not even going to look at this boy file,” we would have missed out on so much.

We would have missed out on the wonderful blessing of boys.


8 responses to “The Wonderful Blessing of Boys”

  1. Debbie says:

    Oh my goodness! If I was reading this at home, I would be sobbing. We too have a precious boy with club hands and feet. The night we were matched, all it took was a picture of his hand for me to know he was ours. I didn’t even need to see his face!

    • Kelley says:

      Awww that’s so cool! Yep- both our china boys have club feet and one has ABs. They are the sweetest! Love your story- thanks for sharing!

  2. Laura says:

    Mom of a 16 year old son – he joined our family via the old waiting child program back in 2002. At that time the great majority of referrals were for girls. I am so glad we said yes to a boy! He is such a great kid!

  3. Teresa says:

    I knew after looking at the first picture of our son from China, that he was chosen by God to be ours. His info happened to be the first file we reviewed. My husband thought I was being hasty in choosing the first child. I had been looking at pictures on our adoption agency website, so, I had seen other children, but my heart leapt for joy when I saw my son. When God is speaking to our hearts and we are ready to listen it can be a very profound feeling.

  4. Jolene Belchak says:

    So true! We have a 12yro girl from China and were waiting on another. We had named her and I was keeping all my daughters clothes as she grew out of them. We finally changed to SN and started looking at files, but every file we got was a boy and I just kept saying no cause I wanted a girl. On file 9 I finally realized that the Lord was trying to tell me something and file 10 turned out to be our son. It was hard, but I was deliberate in all my preparations for him cause I knew he was ours without a doubt. He such a sweet boy and has changed our lives.

  5. Shelley Kubel Bertothy says:

    Beautifully written Kelley! Love following your precious family <3

  6. Brandi says:

    We, too, wanted a girl. We were not really open to a boy. So, so glad our hearts were changed. Our boy caboose is perfect!! (we did get our girl as well!)

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