Yes, I Did. I Asked For This.

February 17, 2017 Developmental System, Down syndrome, Family Stories, large families 17 Comments

Someone finally said out loud what I assumed people might be thinking all along.

I was asked, “How are you?” Careful not to ever come across as complaining about this beautiful mess God has called me to, I simply answered, “Good.” I never want to appear to have it all together (which isn’t hard); however, I don’t want anyone to think I don’t value the job God has so graciously given to our family.

I was at the fourth appointment that week for one of my children. I had spent night after night with little sleep from attending to sick babes. I was drowning in laundry and housework and truly feeling empty. A feeling of loneliness was lurking as I had little time with my husband due to early morning and late night work appointments for him. I was spent.

But, I answered, “good”…..

I am certain exhaustion painted my face, so she knew what I was hiding. Then it spilled out of her mouth…

”Well, you asked for this.”

Not being known for witty comebacks until about three hours later, I looked up stunned and just agreed. “Yes, I did.” This scene, while foggy due to lack of sleep, replayed itself over and over again in my head. The more I thought about it, the more I approved of my response.

Yes, I did. I asked for this.

The summer before my freshman year of high school, deep in the woods at a summer camp, I committed my whole life to God and His work. I was ready for whatever He called me to and whatever it might look like… a mission field, a pastor’s wife, a school teacher, a mom to a gaggle of children, adoption… whatever He wanted of me, I was ready and willing.

So, yes, I asked for this.

I asked for God to be the Lord of my life.
I asked for God to use me.
I asked for God to empty me out, so that only He can refill me.
I asked for God to allow me to show His love to others.
I asked for this close-up view of God’s redemptive power in life.
I asked for Him to be my strength.
I asked for my life to honor Him.
I asked for my ways to be His ways.

I asked for a heart like His.

I asked for what I never knew would be one of the greatest gifts to my soul. I have finally truly experienced how deep and wide the Father’s love is for me. I have seen God redeem little lives and allow them to shine. I have seen myself give more, love deeper and trust stronger than I ever thought I could, all with God’s help. I have the opportunity daily to be the hands and feet of Jesus to the little ones in my home.

Life caring for children with special needs as well as trauma from orphanage life is hard. I won’t pretend it’s not. Sometimes the transparency of the struggle and trying to explain it to someone else is hard. There are days that my head hits the pillow and I’m not sure if I can do it all over again tomorrow.

But God.

In the middle of the chaos and exhaustion, God picks me up and fills me. He gently reminds me that He has equipped me and prepared me for such a time as this. I need to tap into His power that is so freely given to me. He refocuses my thoughts and helps me to celebrate the “wins” that might not be recognized by those around me.

He does this all so He can receive the glory for all the great things He has done. His grace covers my inadequacies. His mercy is new every morning. He lifts my chin up, so my eyes are fixed only on His eyes.

He fills me.
He renews me.
He is with me.
He is for me.
He loves me.

So when the stares in public are so sharp and directed that I can feel them cut through me, when the words that are spoken come from a place of ignorance and pierce deeply, or when I feel like I can’t make it another day on my own strength, God saves the day. He reminds me of the beauty I get to see everyday.

I beg God to fill me once again, so I can do His work.

And I thank Him that He granted me the desire of my heart to live for Him, because…

I asked for this.


– Christy is wife to a pastor and mom to six children ages 15, 10, 8, 5, 4, 4. Three of their children are biological and their youngest three are adopted and have Down Syndrome; read more on Christy’s Facebook page, Bringing DOWN the House.

17 responses to “Yes, I Did. I Asked For This.”

  1. Judy says:


  2. Traci says:

    Wonderfully encouraging!

  3. Brittan says:

    This is so beautiful. And timely.. Sometimes even as mommas who know who we serve we need to be reminded when what we do daily is so very different from the rest of the worlds daily… Thank you for this!

  4. Jennifer says:

    And thank you! Every one of us is better because of your life. A ripple through time.

  5. Louisa says:

    Love this…I’ve been told the same thing but now those same people have seen the redemption of the children in our home….let God fight the battles for you and do not let those words have power in our lives….thanks for sharing from your heart!

  6. Pam says:

    You are wonderful,all your children are truly blessed to follow God’s calling

  7. Glenda Green Walford says:

    Beautiful yes I did i asked for this x

  8. Sandra Cross says:

    I needed to read this today. I sometimes feel quilty that I got in over my head. I see the looks and I hear the hushed tones and I think man I went in over my head….but you just reminded me I am not in over HIS head and that is all that counts! I ask him daily to let our family be his hands and feet…never realizing that is exactly what he is doing.

  9. Heather Sauerbrey says:

    Thank you! Thank you so much for these words! I needed to hear this today… my heart is exactly there, just didn’t have to spoken or written words to express it. Thanky you!

  10. Marta Joy says:

    Wow! This is so amazing and beautiful and true. So thankful to have met you and your little ones. They are so precious! Thank you for sharing his.

  11. Jacquie says:

    I love you, Christy! This is beautiful! You are beautiful!

  12. Laura LeFevre says:

    God’s purpose for life is always on the tip of your tongue and clothes you daily. I love your heart, Christy. I love to see how blessed your family is with the addition of these three precious babies ❤.

  13. Cindy says:

    So true! Just a thought — sometimes the stares in public are from people (like me, although I try not to be rude) who are loving what they see and can totally relate! My kiddos are getting big and the days of intense hands-on parenting of littles are falling farther away, but I well remember that time of life with its struggles and joys and promise, and it blesses me to see others who are trying hard to carry out the mission with grace and purpose. Bless you as you bless others by giving so much, dear gal!

  14. Sherry owens says:

    Very good word … just what I needed 😉

  15. Charlen Hauser says:

    Beautiful family.

  16. Jan says:

    Just the message God has been trying to teach me especially in the last few weeks.

  17. Angie S says:

    So beautifully written. Thank you!

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