Who Do They Love More?
December 15, 2013
Jean, older child adoption
I have been a mom for 30 years. Yes, our oldest son just turned 30! It is hard to believe how fast the time has gone. It was just yesterday our dear baby boy was born. We spent our time… just staring at him, in awe, completely amazed at this tiny miracle that God created! …Read More
Her New Forever
December 5, 2013
heart defect, older child adoption, Tara
One of the hardest things…for me, at least…about being an adoptive parent is knowing that I missed out on my child(ren)’s life in China. And I’ve found that the older the child is when they join our family, the harder it is to deal with that loss of knowledge about my child’s past. Our early …Read More
Loving Children… That Are Hard to Love
November 15, 2013
Attachment, Jean, older child adoption, parent-to-child attachment
Many adopted children are so easy to love. They may have a vibrant personality, a good sense of humor, a smile that lights up the room, a positive attitude or other characteristics that attractive! They may remind you of yourself, your beloved husband or siblings or someone else you love. It is easy to love …Read More
Sickness and Snuggles
November 5, 2013
heart defect, older child adoption, Tara
There’s been some kind of virus floating through our house for the past week or so. And as I predicted it would, the illness is slowly making its rounds through the family. Last night we got hit with a “double whammy”. As my husband and I were tucking our sweet China babies into bed we …Read More
Always
October 5, 2013
heart defect, older child adoption, Tara
I am the proud mama of four-year-old virtual twins, both adopted from China. And while they were adopted in two separate adoptions, 23 months apart, they are every bit as much of brother and sister as they can be. This has its benefits. The two of them always have a built-in playmate. As their mother, …Read More
Free to Dream
September 15, 2013
Jean, older child adoption
What a joyful noise it is when we hear our children tell us what they want to be when they grow up! It was only a few months to a few years ago when words like that would have been completely futile. There was no future and there were no dreams. Life was purely an …Read More
Dealing With Grief
September 5, 2013
heart defect, older child adoption, Tara
As pre-adoptive parents prepare to bring our children home, we go through hours upon hours of parent training. Not to mention meetings with our social worker, and any reading we may do on our own to help prepare for the day our new son or daughter joins their forever family. One of the topics that …Read More
A Few of My Favorite Things
August 5, 2013
heart defect, older child adoption, Tara
It all started nearly three years ago. As soon as we brought our first son home from China, I began scheduling appointments at our local children’s hospital to have specialists review the needs listed in his file. Initially there were four doctors we were working with…then three…and finally we were left only with two as …Read More
We Can’t Do That
July 15, 2013
cognitive delay, Jean, older child adoption
When Hubby and I first began our adoption journeys we talked about which special needs we could do and which ones we felt that we couldn’t do. Of course as time went on we changed our minds and brought home children with needs that we had previously said no to. There was one need in …Read More
The One
July 6, 2013
heart defect, older child adoption, Tara
It’s hardly been a month since we finalized our son’s adoption. We’re still in the getting settled in and trying to discover our “new normal” phase. The jetlag has passed, we’ve had our first post placement visit with our social worker, and bonding through movies and board games is a key focus of mine. Our …Read More
Gotcha Day
June 5, 2013
heart defect, older child adoption, Tara
It was two-and-a-half years ago that I approached the very same building and found a precious baby boy already inside waiting for me. That was the moment I had dreamed of for so many years…I was finally adopting from China. Today was a different scenario. I found myself waiting (not so patiently) in that room …Read More
Your Waiting Child?
April 16, 2013
adopting two at once, Jean, older child adoption
Welcome to Jean – our newest contributor at No Hands But Ours! Jean and her husband have been married for 31 years and have raised 5 biological children. In 2006 God called them to adopt and he hasn’t stopped calling them. They now have 11 treasures home from China in addition to their 5 older …Read More
Dragons and Snakes
February 17, 2013
Chinese Culture, Chinese Holidays, Chinese New Year, foster family, Kelley, older child adoption, Post-Adoption contact
Xin nian kuai le! Happy Chinese New Year! A week ago today, we rang in the Year of the Snake with our kiddos. I hung up our paper lanterns, decorated the table with Lunar New Year plates and cups, pulled out our fanciest chopsticks purchased in Guangzhou, and gobbled up delicious authentic fair from a …Read More
Identity Crisis
November 17, 2012
embracing their story, Kelley, older child adoption, telling their life story
Last night, my husband and I joined about 180 folks from our city of Birmingham to view the documentary Somewhere in Between, a film that follows four Chinese girls adopted into American families. The movie articulates their challenges with feeling neither completely Chinese, nor totally American. The girls, now in their teens, conclude that they …Read More
Let’s Talk Communication
October 17, 2012
Attachment, attachment activities, attachment challenges, first year home, Kelley, Newly Home, older child adoption, parent-to-child attachment
One of the most common questions we are asked about the adoption of our older child is whether she spoke any English when we brought her home and/or how we’ve dealt with the language barrier. There are many ways to communicate in those first days, weeks, and months. From playing charades (which didn’t work so …Read More
Between a Fork and a Chopstick
October 5, 2012
heart defect, older child adoption, Sonia
That’s where I find myself. Between a fork and a chopstick. And that’s where I come to you today asking for some momma advice. I love the way these boys eat. ok in truth….I could do without the slurping…..gag but other than that I have no problem with it. But here’s where I am stuck… …Read More
Keeping the Past in the Present
September 27, 2012
heart defect, older child adoption, Wife of the Prez
“It is kind of almost like a pseudo-open adoption,” the adoption professional said to me as I shared with her about our reunion with our 12-year-old son’s foster family. Absence may not have made their hearts grow stronger—I don’t think the love could be much stronger than it already was—but absence definitely made the hearts …Read More
The Myth of the "New Normal"
September 3, 2012
heart defect, older child adoption, Sonia
That’s what it feels like to me. A myth. “New” normal? Normal? Whaaa? I’m completely unfamiliar with that word at the moment. The feeling of being normal is elusive to me. Does “the new normal” really even exist? I wonder this because I cannot, for the life of me, find it. Nothing about our life …Read More
The Surgery That Wasn't
August 27, 2012
cl/cp, heart defect, older child adoption, Wife of the Prez
At 1:45 p.m. Tuesday, August 21, I was preparing trying to prepare for surgery #14, which was scheduled for the following day, Wednesday, August 22. Yes, that is not a typo. Fourteen surgeries since we brought Li’l Miss home and waited during her six-hour, open-heart surgery on September 30, 2008. Tomorrow was to be the …Read More
Spread Your Wings… But Don’t Fly Too Far
August 17, 2012
Education, Kelley, older child adoption, public school
On Monday, Caroline (our adopted 13-year-old) will experience her first day of middle school. While she’s admitted to being nervous once before, she now seems confident and ready. She’s decorated her locker, memorized her schedule, and organized her school supplies. We’re fortunate to be carpooling with another family (who incidentally has an adopted daughter Caroline’s …Read More
He Didn't Get the Memo
August 3, 2012
heart defect, older child adoption, Sonia
Have you ever seen the TV show Parenthood? I have. I like that show. Nay. I like-like that show. I love watching family dynamics play out in front of me that I don’t have to stress about or worry over or problem solve It’s a bit like how I learned to be a parent by …Read More
An Adoptee’s Reflection on the First Year Home
July 20, 2012
adoptee perspective, first year home, Kelley, Newly Home, older child adoption, telling their life story
On June 27th, our family celebrated our 13-year-old’s first “Gotcha Day” anniversary. As I was writing out my thoughts that day to share on my personal blog, I wondered what might be going on in Caroline’s head as she reflected back over the last 12 months. I explained my blog to her and asked if …Read More
When Enough is Enough
July 3, 2012
heart defect, large families, older child adoption, orphanage realities, Realities, should we adopt?, Sonia
I’m confused. I’m heartbroken. I’m left feeling selfish. And in a perpetual state of prayer and wonder. I remember when John and I were discussing Joshua’s adoption and John felt like Joshua needed to be the last one and I completely agreed. We had been home only 3 months with Jacob and Joey and we …Read More
Older Child Adoption: The Overlooked Special Need
June 17, 2012
Kelley, older child adoption, siblings
The last twelve days have been filled with joy, awe, gratitude, and love as our family welcomed its sixth member, baby Maryn. We haven’t even reached a year since Caroline’s “Gotcha Day” and another little one has joined our family! Four kids in four years. A friend recently joked that it isn’t a requirement to …Read More
Recalculate
June 3, 2012
heart defect, older child adoption, Sonia
When you go on your adoption trip expect it expect to meet Jesus there. I did. And then I walked right past Him. A year and a half later and I am still haunted by my choice. A year and a half ago we had gone to a park one day, you know the one …Read More
Some Things You Just Can’t Get Over
May 27, 2012
cl/cp, heart defect, older child adoption, Wife of the Prez
My post is late. My brain feels like mush much of the time. Life is just plain hard right now. For many reasons. I have really struggled with this post. Even going back and forth on a possible topic. I thought it was going to be about foster care. Then attachment. Then our new normal …Read More
In the Palm of My Hand
May 23, 2012
albinism, older child adoption, Shirlee
Last month, I spent ten days with my three sisters and our mother. Just the five of us. No kids. Cheeky was quite worried about who would cook dinner, do the laundry, clean her new ear piercing, drive her to dance while I was gone. In the weeks before I left, she asked me dozens …Read More
Getting Connected
May 17, 2012
adoption community, Kelley, older child adoption, paperchase, referral, waiting to travel
I honestly believe that one of the most difficult parts of the adoption journey is that waiting period between being matched with your child and receiving approval to travel and meet your son or daughter face to face. Weeks seem like months as you check off the number of days passed for each step of …Read More
Ripples
May 3, 2012
older child adoption, Sonia
I took Jacob down to the bay a few days ago and it was as he tip toed into the water and began to play that I saw it ripples. And it occurred to me how his presence there and then in that moment on that bay was affecting change in the water. There were …Read More
He said IT
April 3, 2012
older child adoption, Sonia
He said it. Granted, he said it in rage. he said it anger. But regardless of why he still said it…. You are not my mama. Looked me right in the eye and screamed it into my face You are NOT my mama. Been home a little over a year and that is what came …Read More
Earrings (or Why I’m Not Ready for the Big 1-0)
March 24, 2012
albinism, older child adoption, Shirlee, Skin Conditions
I remember when my four older kids were babies. People would ask, “How old is s/he?”, and I would respond with the number of days or weeks or months. Eventually, my babies became toddlers, and my answer changed from the number of weeks or months to the number of years. The same happened when Cheeky …Read More
Measuring Progress
March 17, 2012
Attachment, cocooning, first weeks home, first year home, Kelley, Newly Home, older child adoption
In just a few weeks, we will celebrate two years since our 3-year-old daughter’s Gotcha Day. In almost every way, it feels like Grace has been in our family since the very beginning of her life. She is not only fluent in English but has an advanced vocabulary (which she shows off in her Southern …Read More
Adopting the Older Child: Questions Answered
February 29, 2012
older child adoption, Wife of the Prez
In the past 20 months since bringing home an older child, I have often been asked questions and a compilation of those along with my answers are below. I do answer emails sometimes, but when I don’t it is often lack of time. With this post, I hope to be able to answer some of …Read More
trust and pretty shoes
February 21, 2012
a father's perspective, Adrian, Attachment, older child adoption
Trust is a funny thing. You kind of don’t notice it, until it is gone… or was never there. I think the sword and shield is the universal symbol for “I don’t trust you yet!” Me: Okay Ping, we have to run into my work for a second, then we will go home. Ping: Okay. …Read More
Sleepless in Beijing
November 21, 2011
a father's perspective, Adrian, older child adoption, spina bifida
So the wife is currently in China, and I’m still here in Canada.The Wife, BigD (our 2nd eldest son) and our new son Lukai are about 5 days away from coming home.There have been a great many thing which I’ve learned over the last few weeks. Some of them related to adoption, most related to …Read More
Oh no, they are just like me!
May 21, 2011
a father's perspective, Adrian, older child adoption
Waiting at midnight for StarCraft II to be released… Son #2 (D): Daddy! DAD!!!Me: What? Is something wrong?D: No. I just need to know how to say something.Me: Oh, sure. What are you trying to say?D: Your mother has a smooth forehead.Me: Your mother has a what?D: It’s Klingon!Me: Yes, I know that. It’s also …Read More
Dear Cheeky, I Love You
March 31, 2011
albinism, birth family, older child adoption, Shirlee
Nine birthdays minus seven birthdays equals two birthdays. And Cheeky counts them. Last year. This year. Just as she counted her gifts this morning and noted that she had two more than she did on her eighth birthday. Does that mean we love her more now than we did then? Probably didn’t even cross her …Read More
How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Chaos
February 21, 2011
a father's perspective, Adrian, older child adoption, spina bifida
Wife: I have to head back to Winnipeg for a couple of weeks.Me: Sure, no problem. Here, let me help you pack the bags for the kids.Wife: Oh no, the kids are staying here.Me: hahahaa… oh, for a second there, I thought you said the kids were staying here.Wife: They are.Me: hahaha… oh, that’s funny. …Read More
The Care and Keeping of the Broken Heart
January 25, 2011
albinism, older child adoption, Shirlee
I planned a different blog today. I planned to write about the care and keeping of Cheeky’s hair. We’ve had issues, you see. Food in the hair issues. Marker in the hair issues. Paint in the hair issues. With the big day coming up (have I mentioned that Cheeky is a firefly in a ballet?), I …Read More
Sink or Swim
January 21, 2011
a father's perspective, adoption realities, Adrian, older child adoption, Parenting Special Needs
Our daughter Ping has Spina Bifida. Normally her Special Need doesn’t impact her day to day activities. There have been the odd emergency trip to the Spina Bifida Clinic… and the numerous check ups, and test, and MRIs, and neurology type things… but other than that… her Spina Bifida has not been on the forefront …Read More
Catch a Grenade For You
December 21, 2010
a father's perspective, Adrian, older child adoption
Daughter #1 (G): Daddy, why did that man say Grenade?Me: Huh? What?G: In the song Daddy. Listen. He says Grenade.Me: Okay… let me turn it up… I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah …Read More
Collision of Two Cultures
November 7, 2010
guest post, older child adoption
One year ago two worlds collided in Eastern China as a 13-year-old boy met his American parents for the first time. What was to follow would be a dance of sorts, some missed footing, some stepping on toes, loss of rhythm… and finally, a year later, a harmonious blend of steps we call life. To …Read More
Puddles
October 22, 2010
older child adoption, Shirlee
I admit, I’ve been hesitant to post this story. There are two reasons for that. First, I didn’t want to offend those of a more squeamish nature. Second, I didn’t want to embarrass Cheeky. After a couple of months of thinking it over, though, I realized that what happened that day isn’t about embarrassment. It …Read More
All The Things She Doesn’t Say
August 20, 2010
albinism, older child adoption, Shirlee
Sometimes the things our children don’t say are the most important. We went on a walk yesterday. Cheeky is much smaller than my other kids. Shorter legs, weaker body, sweet, sunny personality that gives her no need to move fast, those things make walking a little challenging for my youngest. She tries, though. Oh, how she …Read More
The Proof is in the Pudding
August 1, 2010
albinism, older child adoption, Shirlee
I posted a similar version of this to my adoption blog. I think it is important for those of us who have had easy transitions and whose children have adapted brilliantly to remember that no matter how much it seems that they understand, they still wonder if what we offer is forever. I am back …Read More
a thank you
July 31, 2010
older child adoption
I was so blessed by this news of a child coming HOME from China, I wanted to share with everyone here. Last fall, Shelly learned about a little girl in need of a family on No Hands But Ours. And now, Shelly is that little girl’s mama! Now that little girl has an entire family …Read More
A Year
June 21, 2010
albinism, older child adoption, Shirlee, Skin Conditions
Cross Posted to my personal blog On Monday, June 22, 2009, Cheeky made the journey of a lifetime. She left the apartment she’d lived in for four years, got in a taxi and traveled to meet her new parents. Meanwhile, I was traveling, too. Riding in a car, talking to our guide and my husband, …Read More
Do You Really Love Me?
June 6, 2010
guest post, older child adoption
Today’s guest post is contributed by Connie, mom to eight children… two recently adopted (at the same time!) from China through the SN program, Kooper 14, and Kinley 2. Connie blogs about life as a mom of many at One More Ladybug. There is a pattern emerging. One that was either non-recognizable or perhaps non-existent …Read More
There IS Loss
April 27, 2010
older child adoption, pre-adoption, Wife of the Prez
A recent post by TongguMomma has really had me thinking A.L.O.T. Right after I read her post, which I keep going back to just to read the comments, I received a very unexpected piece of mail. As in, snail mail, all the way from the East. Long story short, we had ordered a care package …Read More
The Photo
April 25, 2010
older child adoption, telling their life story
There is a picture on my computer. In it, a man holds two little girls. His head is bowed, his right hand lifted toward the sky, his left arm wrapped firmly around his charges. The girls are squirming bundles of energy. A matched pair, they look to be identical twins. The photo can’t hide their …Read More