Done Or Not?

We have brought home 11 children in 5.5 years. We have 2 more still waiting for us in China and we hope to bring them home in November or December.

I thought at this point I’d feel peaceful. That somewhere down deep inside of me I would know that we did all that we could for the orphans in a short amount of time we had. I thought I’d know that we were officially done. After all that’s what happened with our birth children. About a year after Johnny was born I prayed and asked God “Are we done or do you have more children planned for us.” The direction was clear. Out of nowhere I heard “You are done”. Of course he must have whispered very quietly after that “for now, that is” because 12 years later he planted the adoption seed.

I don’t feel peaceful, I don’t feel relieved knowing the size of our family, I don’t feel like I’ve done enough and even if God does speak to me and reassure me – I will never be able to forget the others that are left behind…

Every time I hear of a dear child desiring to be adopted, loved, and to have a family, I ache and ache inside… Every time I hear of a child aging out and missing their opportunity to be adopted, I ache. Every time I hear of a child being disrupted in China and losing their chance for a family, I ache. Every time I hear of a child with a serious medical condition and they are no longer eligible to be adopted, I ache. Every time I look at the faces of the waiting children, I ache.

It’s not gotten better after bringing home 11 treasures soon to be 13… It’s gotten worse.

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We’ve had conversations with God. He knows that our hearts break for the orphans. He knows that we desperately wanted to do all that we can do while we can do it. In other words get the children home before the door closes or before WE age out! God has opened many doors and allowed that to happen. When we started this journey we thought that there was only enough time to get 3-4 children home. But our powerful Almighty Lord opened doors and created miracles so that many more could come home. Each one hand picked by HIM and each one a blessing!

As we are in our last adoption process I have already seen so many treasures that I would love to bring home. It is painful to see their dear faces and know we can no longer do what we have been doing! Actually that’s the easy part — bringing them home! While in process we feel like we are at least doing something for the fatherless.

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BUT, hubby and I have talked and truthfully we think we are done… with the adoption phase, that is. (I don’t want to be… I want to keep bringing the children home. I want to continue to be God’s hands and feet in this way.)

With 11 home and soon to be 13 home we feel like He is calling us in a different way. We don’t know exactly what that means? Things are happening in our lives that make us think he has plans that we are not yet privy to… We are waiting to find them out… We are actively praying about it and waiting for HIM to reveal HIS plans for us.

Have you felt this way after bringing your children home? Have you felt the deep heartache for all of the children that still wait? It took me by surprise. It got so much worse once we knew we were done adopting…



Comments

  1. jane willis says:

    just read this post that is several months old…oh my how this post reads like my mind! I don’t ever feel the completeness or the peace that I have finished doing what God has called me to do. Someone said, just don’t look at the sites…..not looking doesn’t make it go away, and I agree with you, it does make your heart ache. would love to hear more on your adoptions.

  2. I can really relate to this. It helps a bit for me to stay off websites that list a lot of waiting children. I just so want all waiting children to have the love of a Mom and Dad.

  3. I feel the ache and haven’t adopted! We have one little one of our own….but I see the faces every day and I ache for each one. I feel connected to one particular child, but there are SO MANY obstacles. Obstacles that seem, and are likely, insurmountable…i ask God. I wonder what His answer is?

  4. So beautifully written. Can so relate…

  5. Can really relate, Jean. I *think* we are done and part of me is relieved (the lazy part!) but the other part of me is heartbroken that we won’t be able to be the difference for an orphan in China. Trusting His plan above isn’t easy, but it is essential :)
    Hugs to you – you are one inspiring mama!

  6. I feel the same way you do Jean! I thought we were “done” after our last (#10), but now I’d love to add another child. Giving a child a forever family is an incredible miracle and we love how each child adds so much richness and fun to our family! Simply put, I love being a mom! I just completed my MSW and hoping God uses me to help children–praying God will specifically guide you to where He wants you to go next! Thanks for sharing your heart.

  7. I know that ache. It actually hurts. And each and every time I am sure we are done. It spurs me on to do more. There is so much more we can do that adoption. It’s almost like a God-teaser to whet our appetite for what He wants for us. It’s all so big.

  8. Oh Jean, I love your heart! There are some days when I think we’re done and others where I’m sure we’re not! I understand. Right now, we’re just waiting on Him to show us what to do next.

  9. We have 4 children (2 adopted from China). My husband says we are done, but my heart aches for more. I see so many waiting children that I would bring home in a heartbeat. All I can do is trust God in this. I have prayed for Him to take the desire away from me, but it has not gone away. So, I don’t know if we are “done.” Only time (God’s time) will tell….prayers appreciated :)

  10. I never feel “done”, just tired. We’ve got one bio son who’s grown and married, and 7 treasures from China (one leaving for college tomorrow!). But I just got home from a mission trip in Shaanxi Province… and God help me… there were 2 sweeties who are trying to work their way into my heart. Please pray for my dear husband. We’ve said many times that we’re old, tired, and broke… but God can provide for all those things, can’t He? ;o}

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