We have brought home 11 children in 5.5 years. We have 2 more still waiting for us in China and we hope to bring them home in November or December.
I thought at this point I’d feel peaceful. That somewhere down deep inside of me I would know that we did all that we could for the orphans in a short amount of time we had. I thought I’d know that we were officially done. After all that’s what happened with our birth children. About a year after Johnny was born I prayed and asked God “Are we done or do you have more children planned for us.” The direction was clear. Out of nowhere I heard “You are done”. Of course he must have whispered very quietly after that “for now, that is” because 12 years later he planted the adoption seed.
I don’t feel peaceful, I don’t feel relieved knowing the size of our family, I don’t feel like I’ve done enough and even if God does speak to me and reassure me – I will never be able to forget the others that are left behind…
Every time I hear of a dear child desiring to be adopted, loved, and to have a family, I ache and ache inside… Every time I hear of a child aging out and missing their opportunity to be adopted, I ache. Every time I hear of a child being disrupted in China and losing their chance for a family, I ache. Every time I hear of a child with a serious medical condition and they are no longer eligible to be adopted, I ache. Every time I look at the faces of the waiting children, I ache.
It’s not gotten better after bringing home 11 treasures soon to be 13… It’s gotten worse.
We’ve had conversations with God. He knows that our hearts break for the orphans. He knows that we desperately wanted to do all that we can do while we can do it. In other words get the children home before the door closes or before WE age out! God has opened many doors and allowed that to happen. When we started this journey we thought that there was only enough time to get 3-4 children home. But our powerful Almighty Lord opened doors and created miracles so that many more could come home. Each one hand picked by HIM and each one a blessing!
As we are in our last adoption process I have already seen so many treasures that I would love to bring home. It is painful to see their dear faces and know we can no longer do what we have been doing! Actually that’s the easy part — bringing them home! While in process we feel like we are at least doing something for the fatherless.
BUT, hubby and I have talked and truthfully we think we are done… with the adoption phase, that is. (I don’t want to be… I want to keep bringing the children home. I want to continue to be God’s hands and feet in this way.)
With 11 home and soon to be 13 home we feel like He is calling us in a different way. We don’t know exactly what that means? Things are happening in our lives that make us think he has plans that we are not yet privy to… We are waiting to find them out… We are actively praying about it and waiting for HIM to reveal HIS plans for us.
Have you felt this way after bringing your children home? Have you felt the deep heartache for all of the children that still wait? It took me by surprise. It got so much worse once we knew we were done adopting…