Eyes on us

April 1, 2012 Kam, Tetralogy of Fallot 3 Comments

I distinctly remember countless details about November 14th last year. It was a Monday and I was at our school where I work in 2nd grade. {We private school there two days a week and home school the other three days.} The sweet ladies at the front desk asked about our little boy in China and if we had any news about him to share.

In that moment, tears welled up in my eyes and I told them that the latest news we had was from a month prior. That our baby was beginning to turn blue from his heart defects {Tetrology of Fallot + one other defect}. And then I spoke to them about something that I sensed but had not yet known to be true.

“I know it’s silly, but I feel like people are watching us.”

To see how this would all play out. Wondering if we would actually bring this little boy home in time. They didn’t really talk to me about it…these people that I felt were peering into our lives. But it was just a sense. I couldn’t explain it then and I surely can’t now.

The next several hours would prove to be some of the most devastating I had ever faced in my 37 years. We were told that our Seth had died in Kunming and life as we, as I, knew it; had come to a screeching halt.

Fast forward four months.

Here we are.

As I write this {a few days earlier than it will be posted}, I’m awaiting a phone call from our agency saying that we are officially DTC.

Dossier to China…today.

How I’ve longed for those words to be spoken or written for us.

We have identified our son, the little prince, as I affectionately call him and we are thrilled. Still so broken over Seth’s loss, but rejoicing in what God has done.

And what has He done? What is He continuing to do?

He has brought this new son {in Henan} to us and is moving mountains to help us bring him home. All the while, He is also using our precious Seth to awaken others to the plight of the fatherless and fan into flame the blessing we have to set them into families.

I cannot tell you how many people have come forward over the last, say, three months to tell us that {in large part} because of Seth, they are now beginning an adoption process or praying about when and how to begin one.

In February, a dear friend knocked on our door unexpectedly with a book to give to me. She had read it and kept thinking of us while she did. So she bought another copy and brought it over for me. There, standing in our foyer, she told me how she had been praying for YEARS that they could adopt. And that she had never once nagged her husband about it. Lol. And for her birthday that month, as part of her gifts, he gave her “Choosing to See” by Mary Beth Chapman. She responded that she was so grateful for such a thoughtful gift…that she had been wanting to read it and “thank you, honey”, etc. But he looked at her and said, “Suzie, this is our green light. I believe the Lord is leading us to adopt a son.” This couple had been so sweet to us when Seth died and now, the Lord was honoring Suzi’s prayers and brought her husband on board without her even knowing it.

Then there is the friend/acquaintance who moved away from our state before I got to know her really well. She reached out to me recently and we spoke for an hour and a half last week about beginning their adoption process. She had a million questions. I had the answers for half of them. But they are resolved, seeking the Lord as to how and when to proceed.

And a college student of ours {my husband is a youth pastor}, sent me a Facebook message this weekend to tell me that God is dealing with her about orphans and that she senses strongly that she is being led to serve them in some way.

I can’t tell you how many cups of coffee I’ve shared with PAP’s, how many emails, FB messages, phone calls, texts…you name it, I have received in the last few months where people say to me that they have “always wanted to adopt” or have “been thinking and praying about adoption” or “feel led to orphan care”…and that watching us walk through the fire has given them the urgency to do so.

In many of these instances, the seeds were already planted by someone else. We take no glory or credit for any of it. It is never our intention to bring attention to ourselves, only to shine a huge spotlight on Him, and help others see what we see and know what we know.

But the death of our son, and the grace that God has showered on our family, have been the water to so many of these seeds. Seeds that were just laying there in the ground waiting to be watered in, waiting to take hold and grow, are now peeking through the dirt. Some, like our family, have fertile ground and it will be easy for them to take root with lots of love and support.

But if you’re like me, you know of others who will be met with opposition all around them, whose families will reject their desire to adopt. Still, we offer water to those seeds and trust that they will break through the concrete and grow tall.

It is so humbling. And scary.

I had no idea that Monday, when I shared with the ladies how I felt about others were watching us, that it was in many ways, prophetic. I would have never chosen it for myself. And there are countless others, walking roads so much more difficult than ours, who are watering seeds left and right.

My encouragement to us all today is to just be open. Be aware. The world is watching. If one child is adopted because someone else has watched you or me adopt or because we have endured a trial and have come out refined as gold…what a lasting legacy that is for our children.

Seeds have been sown all around us. Let’s water them in.

3 responses to “Eyes on us”

  1. Wonderful post Kam. Very heartfelt, love seeing into your heart. And congratulations to your family on DTC for your newest Little Prince, I will keep you all in my prayers!

  2. Stefanie says:

    Absolutely, positively beautiful, Kam.
    What a blessing to know all He is doing through Seth to bring other orphans into forever families.
    Can’t wait until your Little Prince is in your arms… you’re now one BIG step closer!!

  3. KellyM says:

    Kam, this is heart-breakingly beautiful. Thank you for expressing it so well.

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