Losing Sight of the Why

February 15, 2016 adopting later in life, adopting two at once, Jean, large families 8 Comments

In 2006 my husband and I heard the call to adopt. Our plan was to bring home two daughters from China. That sounded reasonable, right?

But God had another plan for us and He was loud and clear. Over and over again I could hear Him say, “Bring home the children.” And so we did. From 2006 until 2013 my husband and I worked hard to bring home thirteen beautiful children. Thirteen treasures became part of our family through the blessings of international adoption!

It seemed that we were always in the adoption process, just bringing a child home, or preparing for a child to join our family. It was a joyous time because we knew we were doing exactly what He had planned for us. We had moments of doubt and fear but the more we leaned on God the more comfort and direction He gave us.

After we had brought 8 of our 13 children home I met a Mom that had also adopted many children. I was so surprised and confused by her lack of joy. She was exhausted and disillusioned. Her family was not what she thought it would be and they were suffering. She said things that scared me and caused me to pause and pray. She had lost hope and I wondered if that would be me/us someday…

She told me that adoption can be addicting and that a person can get caught up in the process before they realize the family they have created. Gulp… and gulp again. I wanted to serve God and live the life that He intended for me and for our family but was my desire to serve becoming self-serving? Was I addicted to adoption and was our family’s future heading down the same path? Would we be disillusioned, frustrated, exhausted and feeling defeated? It was a lot to take in and I knew it would take time to process all of these questions.

After much prayer and discernment we decided to continue with our mission. God was still loud and clear. He said, “Bring home the children.” There were no guarantees in our future. We very well could find ourselves in the same predicament as my new acquaintance. We decided to not let fear and doubt get in the way. They were the tools of the opposition and we wanted nothing to do with them. We put our eyes on God and continued to bring home His children.

Once our two last two boys came home we declared, “We are done adopting.” At the time it seemed to make perfect sense (to us). We needed time to adjust, to bond and to become a family. We needed to NOT have our every moment filled with “the process”. My days were busy with loving our children, homeschooling and medical appointments.

So why was this woman downhearted and disillusioned? Why can some people seem to handle it while others cannot, what changed in her life?

The truth is, no one can really do it… alone. We need help, a lot of help and the kind of help we need we can only get from God.

His grace,
His patience,
His kindness,
His sense of humor,
His joy,
His organization,
His forgiveness,
And His grace (again),
that we need, every moment of every day.

He sees us through our challenging days. He rights our wrongs. He helps us see the humor in the little things. He enables us to do what we can’t do on our own.


And when we fail (which we do everyday), He picks us up and sends us back on our way to serve and love Him. Because we know that the more we serve and love him the happier we are and the happier our family will be.

She lost sight of Him, of the joy that comes through service to Him. It’s not about the excitement of the process, the thrill of meeting your new child or how big your family is… it’s about serving God.

8 responses to “Losing Sight of the Why”

  1. Marie says:

    So enjoyed reading this Jean!

  2. Holly says:

    Jean!!! Thank you for writing this. I have been all over the map emotionally and spiritually since we were first called to grow our family through adoption in 2007. I identify with your acquaintance more than I care to admit. I too have wondered what the “secret” is. How do other families keep going and going and going when I can barely make it through the next step? I have spent way too much time feeling overwhelmed and looking at the waves instead of into the face of the one Who calms the storms. Comparison can be SUCH a thief of joy!! In fact, comparison was killing me slowly and is in great part why I left the connected world for 7 months. I needed to refocus on my “why” again. I love when Jesus says, “for the one who builds a house, first digging deep and laying a firm foundation, when the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it was built on a firm foundation.”
    God we need You! You keep us centered. You are our why and You bring joy in the midst of challenges and You bring peace in the midst of chaos. You give us such treasures!

    Thanks again Jean! I know this will bless many❤️

  3. Sammy says:

    This is a good post. I’ve adopted 12. I think it can be about about serving God, but believe if it is God’s will for you to adopt, He has given you the desire. If you adopt for the wrong reasons you will end up like the stressed woman you write about. And, I believe some people do it for the wrong reasons. Like the excitement and the glory.

  4. Sammy says:

    Here I am again. : – ) I didn’t mean to apply that everyone that gets stressed or is going through hard times did it for the wrong reason.

  5. Debbie says:

    I have been reading your blog for years and this is my favorite post.

  6. Judy says:

    Hi Jean, I am 56 years old and my husband is 58. We have raised two daughters, and are about to become grandparents for the 5th time through adoption from China! Words cannot express our joy. We have circled the adoption wagon for years, mostly considering older children from the foster care system here in the US. Watching our daughter and son-in-law work through this process has been incredible. She keeps encouraging us to adopt and she is quite the advocate. Can you speak to the possibility of adopting at our age? Judy

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