A Control Freak and Her Bucket List

March 5, 2016 Whitney 0 Comments

I learned during the adoption process to let go of many of my control freak tendencies. There was, after all, very little I could actually control! During our first year home, the concept of control became somewhat comical – survival was the name of the game, and the messy mom-bun became the look my hair was known for.

(As an aside, you know it’s bad when someone comments about your new haircut and you’re all, “umm, thanks, but actually today it looks different because I fixed it…”)

Control? Please. The kids were fed and dressed, so we’re calling this day a victory.

Somehow, the passing of our first anniversary home has seen the recurrence of the control freak tendencies try to resurface. For what it’s worth, I’ve actually enjoyed being slightly more laid back the past few months, and I’m a little concerned about delving back into Gotta-Control-It-All World. I believe there are several factors that play into my own backsliding; medical issues, insurance issues, regression, changes on the horizon…

I don’t know what the future will hold, and I can’t stand it.

That’s really it, isn’t it? It’s the tucking into my back pocket the promises that God has made, promises that assure me He is in control… that HE knows, even if I don’t, and that what He knows is good.

With that said, I’ve decided to come up with a Bucket List. Because control freaks who are trying to be less controlling make lists. Obviously.

Drink at least one cup of coffee slowly. Enjoy every last drop.

Refuse to be driven by perfectionism.

Read a chapter out of a book that creates deep thought.

Think about others,

Pray for others, right then, no waiting.

Eat a piece of favorite candy.

Roll out snakes with Play-Doh.

Spend time in the Word, spend time meditating on the Word.

Cuddle on the couch watching a cartoon.

Focus on the good.

Choose action versus reaction.

Text a friend just so they know they are thought of and valued.

Invite a family pajama-dance-party,

Dance crazy moves,

Collapse laughing.

Make direct eye contact with everyone with whom conversation is made.

Let them know they are heard, they are cherished, they are loved.

Slap husband playfully on the backside just to see the look on his face.

Give grace.

Accept grace.

Crash into bed at night knowing that even if only one of the items on the checklist is completed, it was a GOOD day.

Adoptive mamas… I know there are more out there like me. We are a hard-core, mama-bear, fight-to-the-death bunch of people and we GET. STUFF. DONE.

Somewhere along the way, though, I think we often forget what life can be like if we just let go a little. The days are long, but the years are short and I don’t want to spend my years trying desperately to make everyone believe that “my way” really IS the “right way”.

So, how about it? Who’s in? I know I’m ready to check off the items on my bucket list, starting…. right now. Are you?

– image by Tish Goff

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