The red thread is pulling us, pulling us speedily now toward our second son, China-born and soon to be an American by the end of the summer.
This is our first adoption, second son. We cannot believe we are counting down to holding the little guy in less than a week. Three years ago had someone told me we’d be in this position, like Sarah in the Bible, I might have laughed. I had different plans in mind for my family.
God is good about rearranging our plans and giving us gracious gifts we are too blind to see at times.
Three years ago, we were wondering why we weren’t getting positive pregnancy tests. Sure, it took awhile to get pregnant with our first son, but deep down we blamed it on stress. We prayed for a first born; when we finally got the double pink lines, we were over the moon. God remembered us. And we hoped He would remember us again with a second gift. But a few months turned into a year, which rolled into another year…
We found ourselves sitting alone in the waiting room at the OB-GYN… you know, the infertility waiting room on the other side of the busy waiting room with all the expectant mothers.
We were so thankful to have been given our first son. But it still stung that friends continued to easily conceive, and each month I got that painful single pink line on the test. I watched as friends had their second child…and then their third… and wondered, why us?
If a woman doesn’t already feel ashamed enough by the pregnant friends wondering why she’s not getting pregnant, the OB-GYN infertility clinic is sure to induce those burning feelings. I knew my sting was eased by having a son, but even secondary infertility creates a gnawing at the heart that can’t be fully put into words. Many turn to medical intervention, but I couldn’t handle it. After a few months of investigating why my body wasn’t cooperating, I was done with the medical world. I’ve heard it said that every couple has to decide that tipping point, the point they no longer want to continue with medical intervention. Mine was short in coming.
We had talked about adoption one day.
It didn’t take long after walking out of a stressful and inconclusive HSG test to realize one day, or plan B as we had thought, was really God’s plan A. Now. He was simply waiting for us to catch on. We weren’t meant to get the double pink lines for our second born; we were meant to get the photo, the medical information, and the red thread attaching our heart to his on the other side of the world.
Now, as we approach finally meeting our son, I keep thinking, why us?
Why do we get to go across the world to get our second?
Why do we get the amazing adventure?
Why do we get to have a son with beautiful brown eyes who will expand our world, literally?
Why do we get to have the first born who seems to seek out kids with special needs and will understand his new brother?
Why do we get to experience adoption?
These are all gifts.
God was waiting for us to catch on to His plan.
He had always remembered us.
The Why me, as raw and honest and real as it is, often has a flip side. God in His mysterious ways always has goodness in His outstretched hands towards His children. We usually cannot see what He is accomplishing until we can reflect back, but rest assured He is accomplishing His plan, for your good (Romans 8:28).
Hang in there, wondering heart.