One Day

May 5, 2016 adoption realities, Attachment, first weeks home, first year home, Newly Home, Whitney 1 Comments

Dear little boy of mine,

We knew before we brought your sister home you might struggle a bit. We prepared you for this transition as best we could, using all of the information we could obtain. We talked using big words you couldn’t yet fully understand, words your heart wanted to understand. We prayed for your heart to be filled with grace and understanding for your new sister. You knew you weren’t going to be the baby anymore once she arrived, but the idea of big-brotherhood made you stand a little taller and puff out your chest a bit. You were so excited. The first time you saw her in person, your face lit up. There she was!

Dear little girl of mine,

We knew before we brought you home you might struggle a bit. We couldn’t prepare you for the changes that were about to rock your world, but we prayed hard for your heart every day. We didn’t know if your caretakers were talking about us, or inserting words into your vocabulary that would be new for you. “Mama”. “Baba.” “Jie jie.” “Ge ge.” The new life you were about to walk into would be vastly different from what you had known before; we didn’t even know how you would feel being the youngest child in our family. We watched you grow via pictures and video clips for a year and then took your hand and led you back home to your family. The first time you saw our friends and family waiting to see you, you rocked your spunky personality and showed us all just how strong you are.

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Dear little boy of mine,

It was harder than you thought it would be, wasn’t it? You, who had verbally relinquished your place as the baby, suddenly realized that it might not be something you wanted to let go of after all. It didn’t matter how many hugs or snuggles we tried to sneak in, it was just plain difficult to welcome a new sister, wasn’t it? I knew that would change. I knew that one day you would be the best of friends, but it seemed like a far off hope to hold onto even for me, and for you, I imagine it seemed all but impossible.

Dear little girl of mine,

You arrived home and saw a kiddo about your same size and felt a little threatened, didn’t you? You didn’t know that I could love both of you, that there was room enough on my lap for you and him. You couldn’t understand that there was no need for the intense jealousy or competitiveness; those things were necessary Before, but not Now. That wasn’t an easy transition for your heart to make. I knew that one day, that would change. I knew that the sibling you didn’t like very much at the start, would become the one you loved, but it seemed like a far off hope to hold onto, even for me, and for you, I imagine it seemed all but impossible.


Dear youngest two of mine,

We have prayed for you to grow together. We have prayed for your hearts to be knit together into the sweetest of brother-sister loves. We have watched you, and disciplined you, fussed at you, encouraged you, and cried over you. We have laughed at your antics, thrown our hands up in frustration, and put you both to bed early on occasion. We have made you hold hands, we have made you apologize, we have asked that you grant forgiveness for wrongs committed. You often drive us a little bit crazy, but we know that one day, all of the effort going into helping your relationship form a strong bond will be worth it. We are starting to see glimmers of the future good that is growing. There are moments when I realize that you are playing together, giggling together, sharing with each other, consoling each other, telling each other that you are best friends. It’s what my heart holds on to when the tough moments seem to weigh heavy.


Dear sweet ones,

One day you will be able to listen to the story of how God knit our family together; how He prepared the hearts of your mama and daddy long before any of you four were born into the world. You will know about the pain of loss, the grace of healing, and the obedience of a yes we couldn’t fully understand. It is a beautiful story you two are a part of, my hilarious Mr. Six, and sassy Miss Five.
In many ways, I have two babies-of-the-family, you know; one who grew under my heart and one who grew in my heart. I love you both, my babies, and I know one day, you will understand the magnitude of that love. Until that day comes, I promise to take one day at a time, understanding that both of you have been through so much in the past fifteen months, understanding that some days will be good, and some days will be just plain hard. It’s okay. We can get through it, together.

One response to “One Day”

  1. Karolyn says:

    So very true! You have sum up the last 8 months since the arrival of our daughter and the relationship with my unique home grown child. Wow!

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