Dear Heart Warrior Mamas,
Before we adopted our daughter, who was born with congenital heart disease (CHD), I didn’t know so many things. But you and my daughter have taught me..
I didn’t know what it meant to advocate for your own child. I have watched you learn medical terminology. I have witnessed your brave fight to have a clear mind and think through all the information you have been given to question the medical staff properly — even though you haven’t been sleeping well, you are separated from your children at home, you are blurry eyed and foggy brained.
I have seen your other children come and cheer your heart warrior even though they are having their own trauma during this time and missing you at home so much. Their brave is so big and their love so great. And so is yours. I have read your words of grief at wishing to be two places at once, but knowing you need to be in the hospital.
I have seen you go head-to-head with doctors and nurses and advocate for their needs, to educate others on trauma, attachment, and the specific needs of your heart-warrior.
It is very lonely in that hospital room that seems like a sterile cage, so you count blessings on your Facebook groups and post prayer requests. And I watch and join the community praying for you. Huddle around you, rally and fight beside you.
I have seen all you mothers of broken-hearted children surround and support other families in their hard, even as you fight in your own hard. It has taken my breath away.
I have seen you leave the hospital, rejoicing to go home and be all together at home.
I have seen you leave the hospital, holding your broken-hearted child close, so thankful for this time to go home–but overshadowed by all that is still before you.
And I have seen you leave the hospital with empty arms. With grief that will never, ever end.
In all this, you have taught me, fellow mama of a broken-hearted child, to choose the hard.
Choose the risk.
Choose the broken.
Because the beauty and love there is worth it.
I want to honor you all. Honor all the ways each of you fight daily for your heart warrior. You have touched my heart and moved it so completely.
Thank you for choosing the hard. For having hope despite the doctor’s diagnosis. Thank you for allowing me into your life and for being a strong place of support as I walk my own hard and struggles with our broken-hearted warrior.
I am blessed by you. You have taught me “To look at everything always as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time: Thus is your time on earth filled with glory,” as Betty Smith once wrote.
So holding my heart warrior close, I drink in her smell and laughter and life. And because of all you, and she, have taught me — we are once again walking into the doors of adoption.
Arms and hearts open for whatever God will give us.
Thank you for your broken-hearted brave hope.
– guest post by Beth-Anne