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what would you do?

May 15, 2013 by nohandsbutours 12 Comments

Hubby and I knew God was calling us to bring home a second child, we just didn’t know who that child was… YET.

There was a special little girl that had a daunting special need. We didn’t completely understand it but her picture was adorable and being positive thinkers we knew there was a chance her diagnosis may be wrong. We felt very drawn to her – the pull of God.

We asked for her file and another agency had just taken it. We missed it by a day… was that a sign that she was not ours? Within two days we got word that if we were positive about adopting her the agency that currently had her file would transfer it. This little girl had waited a long time for a family and her health was not good.

We gathered all the information we could find – her old file – and prayed over it. We were both a little fearful. What if we adopted her and she died? That would be very hard for the whole family.

As I privately thought those thoughts… it dawned on me, it would be even worse if she died without a family. I felt like yes – we could be cowardly and not listen to God calling us. Or we could trust the Lord and trust that he would see us through this journey and that even during the HARD parts HE would not leave us. So many thoughts whirled around in my head. But the one thing I could hear amongst all the confusion where these words, “she needs to come home, she needs to come home, she needs to come home.”

As hubby walked in the house after work he said to me, “So what do you think?”

I said, “I don’t know? What do you think?”

He said, “I think she needs to come home.”

I just smiled and said, “I think you are right.”

And that was the beginning of bringing Abigail Elizabeth home.

The diagnosis was MDS. A pre cancer condition that eventually leads to leukemia. I did a little bit of research on it and of course only remembered the positives. God is so good that way. We felt his comfort throughout the whole process and Abby came home in December 2011.

For the next year she had many tests – liver MRI’s, liver biopsies, Bone marrow biopsies, CAT scan, MRI of her heart, etc. She has had blood transfusions every 3-4 weeks and chelations every 2 weeks, plus more.

The first diagnosis in the USA came back in March of 2012 as MDS. China was right… We immediately went to meet with the BMT specialists. A bone marrow transplant was her only choice and they seemed eager to have this take place sooner rather than later. HOWEVER, her liver was very unhealthy and having a BMT now would most likely result in liver failure. Her chances of surviving were not good.

We began aggressively chelating – to get the excess iron out of her liver. The goal was to get her liver as healthy as possible, to closely monitor her and watch for any changes in her health and signs of leukemia. In July 2012 she had another bone marrow biopsy- the samples were sent to Boston Children’s where they specialize in pediatric MDS. The results came back in October 2012. Abby did not have MDS but instead has Congenital Siderblastic Anemia.

AND WE EXHALED…

Whew… Praise the LORD!

This means she is no longer racing against time in regards to Leukemia. It is not a pre cancer situation.

Abby will have another liver MRI within the next month. They are anticipating that her liver is in better shape and the iron levels are way down.

Soooooo, what about the bone marrow transplant?

This is our dilemma…

A bone marrow transplant would cure Abby. That would be wonderful. No more transfusions or chelations. No more low, low hemoglobins. If it worked, her new bone marrow would be able to produce red blood cells that could carry oxygen in it. She would be healthy and live a normal life.

Wow, that sounds good!

BUT there is a 30% chance that the bone marrow transplant will not work and then she would immediately have to have another one. In that 30% is the chance that she will not survive the bone marrow transplant. And it may be questionable if her liver is actually healthy enough to withstand the chemo drugs that are used in the process.

They have found a 5 out of 6 point cord blood match for Abby. That is pretty good. BUT how good is pretty good?

The bone marrow transplant process is over 5-6 months long- if it goes well. She would be in the hospital for 30-60 days. Then if it goes well she would come home but she cannot be exposed to anything because she will have no immune system to fight it off. Our family is large and although we have been very healthy we have many possibilities of spreading unwanted germs

So the other option is that Abby has transfusions and chelates for the rest of her life. Her life will be shortened most likely(50’s- 60’s). She could at any time develop a reaction to a blood transfusion- I am not sure exactly what that means and what would happen if she did start reacting.

We are not sure what to do? How do people make this decision? What a huge decision this is… Do we wait until she can make it herself?

Right now we are still gathering information. We need to see the results of the new tests coming up. We would want to meet once again with the BMT doctors to see if her odds have improved and hear what they would recommend.

We have been praying over it and we know God will make the direction clear to us when HIS time is right. But sometimes someone else sparks a thought or can add new knowledge to a tough situation.

Please tell us – what are your thoughts?

Filed Under: Congenital Siderblastic Anemia, Jean

Living with attachment issues long term

May 9, 2013 by nohandsbutours 2 Comments

I tell people all the time, especially when we’re knee deep in discussions about adoption or attachment issues. Ya know, some kiddos just don’t handle institutionalization well. Some come out of it just fine. Some go straight to their new family and never look back with smiles and enthusiasm. And others, like our sweet thing, will likely always carry the scars of growing up in an institution with too few care givers, or not enough food, or not enough clothing, or a lack of stimulation, or insert any basic need here. And most fall somewhere in between…

And the thing is you have no idea if your child will be the one that comes through it all with flying colors or carries the scars until it’s a done deal. You just don’t know.

Of our 3 adopted children, 2 transitioned pretty much according to the text books. Both Jude and Mimi were best-case scenarios when it came to how they transitioned to our family and attachment. They grieved. They fought it hard. But the difficult process of loss and coming into the fold of a new family, showed all the evidence that they would come through the difficult process of adoption healthy in the end. But we also have one of those children that just didn’t handle it well and shows the evidence that she will likely carry the scars regardless of what we do.

For this reason, I was incredibly hesitant to leave on my me-vacation. I had left her once before, on our trip to China to get Mimi. But of course there was something that just didn’t sit right with me about leaving Tess for this very self indulgent 8-day me-time trip. I’d be the first to encourage mamas to get away and rejuvenate themselves. But I certainly hadn’t been encouraging myself to do that. It had been 5 1/2 years since Tess came home and over 1 since Mimi came home. I knew it was time. But still… how do you walk away from a child who really isn’t sure if you’re actually going to come back? I mean way down deep in her soul, she’s honestly not sure if I’m going to permanently leave her or not. And no amount of talking and assuring can change that. I was leaving her with Papa. So of course it wasn’t like I was leaving her completely without a parent. But still… how would I get on that plane and say goodbye?

But I did leave for 8 days.
And I cried when I left. And so did she.
And I seemed to text constantly to my loves at home.
And the next day I assured her I’d be home in 7 days.
And I sent pictures.
And Tess sent me pictures.
And soon I told her I was coming home in 4 days.
And I sent her a video of the beach and the waves.
And when she asked, I reminded her I’d soon be home in only 2 more days.
And we talked about how school went the next day.
And daily she tore off the paper rings on the chain that marked the days till I’d come home.
And she cried at night and made one last phone call across the country.
And she asked when I’d be home, and I finally said that the very next day I would be the there to tuck her in and say prayers the very next night.

Over a week later, when the plane landed, according to plan I was extremely rejuvenated and refreshed. As I trotted down the airport concourse, I felt a bit like a child when I was walking far more quickly than necessary to greet my family.

And there they were, all 8 of them waiting for me. 7 voices squealing Mommy! so excited to see me. 16 legs running my way. 16 arms that reaching out to squeeze my legs and my neck and my shoulders. 8 I missed you soooo much! I was once again encircled by the shoulders of the man I had missed so dearly. But in that moment there was 1 that needed more. She needed more than a hug and embrace. In that moment when all were so excited and happy, Tess looked so scared and seemed to need reassurance that I really was back. I crouched down and looked into her big brown eyes. I told you I was coming back. And I will always come back. We’re family. And we’re stuck with each other. Forever. I could almost see her exhale in that moment. Exhale all the doubt that she had held in her those 8 long days. And as she did, I don’t think I’ve ever seen such eye contact as she stared into my eyes. Her tears instantly welled up, and she started a quiet cry. Tess, I’m right here now. And I scooped her up and held her.

In the car on the way home, she fought falling asleep. I knew she was afraid I’d disappear if she closed her eyes. Only when I told her that I was the only one that would carry her from the car to her bed that night, did she finally suck on her two fingers and allow her eyes to close.

So where does this leave us?
Well, we’re still on the path of attachment. Don’t get me wrong. It’s wonderful that we’ve come so far that she was feeling such relief when I returned. Her missing me is a huge deal. But the fact that she has these seeds of doubt that she is safe and loved, and worry that she will be abandoned yet again, and stress, (really, should any 5-year-old carry this type of stress?) is a sure sign that 5 1/2 years later, we’re still on the road to secure attachment. Once again, we’re assured that we’re definitely moving in the right direction… in a direction of love, peace and acceptance. But we’re not out of the woods yet.

And as the years pass, the destination seems to matter less than the journey itself.

Filed Under: clubfoot, developmental delays, Nancy

What I Thought I Knew about Hep B

May 7, 2013 by nohandsbutours 2 Comments

If you’d asked me seven years ago, right before we adopted our beautiful daughter, if I knew anything about Hep B, I’d have said sure. It’s a virus. It has something to do with the liver. What else do you need to know?

As it turned out, our daughter’s case taught us that there was a whole lot to know. And to be her best advocate, especially when experts didn’t necessarily agree on what should be done for her, I read everything I could get my hands on. I knew the lingo, knew the facts.

But now those facts are changing, and the things I thought I knew….well, I guess I don’t.

What I Thought I Knew:
Most kids with Hep B need no treatment at all. Basic, Hep B 101. This is what the doctors told me when we were researching the special need. This is what I’ve told countless mothers and fathers who are wondering if they should check the box marked Hep B on their special needs checklist. Kids are usually in the immune tolerant phase, I’d tell them, which means that although they have the virus, their bodies are ignoring it or tolerating it. The virus became part of them when they were mere babies and their immune systems weren’t mature enough to recognize the virus as a threat, so unlike adult immune systems that spot the virus from the get-go and raise some serious cain (and get rid of it completely 95% of the time), kiddos usually just kind of co-exist with the virus and will probably keep it for the long haul.

What Researchers Are Saying:
Kid’s immune systems may not be so tolerant after all. This is huge. New studies are challenging the basic premise of Hep B 101. In fact, one study found that older people with chronic Hep B seem to have weaker immune responses than the younger individuals infected with the virus. To quote one article:

Scientists from Bertoletti’s laboratory, together with clinical collaborators in the UK, isolated T cells from 44 people with chronic HBV infections between the ages of 10 and 30, the majority of whom were of Asian descent. Around 75% of the world’s 400 million people with chronic hepatitis B can be found within the region of Asia. They compared the immune samples to those from healthy age-matched controls, and showed that young patients infected with HBV expressed increased levels of virus-associated T cells, and these T cells displayed the ability to expand and produce pro-inflammatory signaling molecules known as cytokines, which are involved in antiviral responses. Furthermore, these HBV-specific T cells became more dysfunctional with age, the authors found, suggesting that the longer a patient is left untreated, the less effective the immune system becomes at clearing the virus.

They go on to say that the current measure of immune activity in people with chronic Hep B, the ALT, may not be the best indicator of who should get treatment. Most of the young patients don’t have labs that would cause anyone alarm. But, and here’s the biggie–they might be missing a window where they could clear the virus at a young age–a window that might be closed, or at least harder to open, when they’re older.

What Doctors Are Doing About It:
Studies are currently happening in big medical centers on both coasts, treating kids who previously wouldn’t have been considered for treatment at all. These kids have normal, or just slightly elevated liver enzymes. In the past, doctors would say that treatment of these kids would be a waste of time. Now, they’re being treated with either PEG interferon alone or a short-term antiviral followed by PEG. These studies are still in their infancy and it’s too early to say if they’ve been a success. But, from the few people I know who have kids in the study, some of these kids who’ve previously shown NO immune response to Hep B, with the help of PEG, are giving the virus a serious beating.

I remember years ago when I was considering treatment for our daughter, one of the leading world experts in Hep B said to me, “This virus will never be less a part of her than it is now.” That swayed me to the side of treatment. And for her, that was fairly easy because her labs were worrisome. She was one of the minority of children that most doctors would say needed treatment. She started PEG interferon as a 3 year-old. The PEG was off-label because it’s not FDA approved for kids with Hep B and she was the first Hep B child to ever receive PEG at our large urban hospital. A year later, not only was she better, she no longer tested as having the virus. It was beyond what we’d hoped for–the best possible result. I’ve always wondered if part of the reason for her success was her young age. Our doctor, who is involved with the current studies, seemed to wonder too.

My sincere prayer is that this research will lead us to a point when all parents of kids with Hep B can have the joyous experience of looking at a lab sheet, wiping away tears, and reading the words Hep B NEGATIVE!

Filed Under: Eileen, HepB+

Chinese Cowpokes

May 5, 2013 by nohandsbutours 1 Comment

The process of watching an adopted child become a part of their family is beautiful to behold. The “Gotcha Day” videos get me every time. But beyond that comes the intertwining that takes place over time.

My husband and I already had three biological children when we adopted our son from China in 2010. And while he was immediately adored by his new brother and sisters, it was quite clear that our newest addition was from a different background and had a different life experience in his baby years than they had. Slowly, though, as time went on he became more and more like his older siblings. And then the day arrived when a friend of mine told me that she doesn’t even think of Caden as being adopted…to her, he’s just another one of our kids.

It’s hilarious to see the mannerisms he’s developed. Clearly “nurture” is showing its advantage over “nature” in many of these areas. Because, aside from his dark hair and almond eyes my little Chinese boy is just like his older siblings.

When we brought Cora home, the grafting process began all over again. And once again, we saw that there were four kids established in our home that were very different from their newest sibling in many ways. Because Cora had been in a loving foster family and had already been grafted into a home and family, we had a harder time teaching her the ropes.

Over time, things gradually changed and we saw Cora beginning to take on the traits of our family. Her foster brother became a “friend” that she talked about, meanwhile her relationship with her new siblings began to thrive and blossom. With her own special brand of spunk, she began to “tick” with the workings of our household. But it became especially clear how solidly Cora has become rooted in our family when we attended “Rodeo Day” for her older sister’s class at school.

Here in Texas, we have our own unique culture. That culture was being celebrated on this particular day. Boots and bling. Tex-Mex snacks. Stick horse races and other “old west” themed games. My China babies decked out in their cowboy attire, cheering their big sister on as she participated in her events. There was no difference between them and the other siblings there…except that they bear features of a different ethnicity than their sister. There was no sign that Caden has been home two plus years, and Cora only five months. They were brother and sisters. Nothing more, nothing less.

I always have the knowledge in the back of my mind that two of my children are from China. And I treasure their heritage. But at our first grade rodeo, I forgot that they were different from all those other little Texans running around. I forgot that salsa and queso aren’t foods that are native to their taste buds. I forgot that they came from different beginnings than their other siblings. Because they’ve been absorbed into us. Part of me mourns the loss of their birth culture. The loss of Cora’s accent as she has perfected the English language…complete with a Southern drawl when she pronounces the word “y’all”. But an even bigger part of me is glad that they’ve both reached the point where they’re just well grafted in members of our family. So much so that I “forget” they are adopted from another country.

Though I gotta admit…I do think Chinese cowpokes are especially adorable.

Filed Under: heart defect, Tara

why?

May 1, 2013 by nohandsbutours 8 Comments

So that is the question I hear out of our Thai Tornado’s mouth incessantly.

Why?

I can’t remember when our girls went through this stage. It seems they were much younger. Joel will be seven in four months. He seems old to me…but maybe I’m just old and can’t remember. Yeah, that’s more plausible.

Why does it lightning when it rains sometimes and sometimes it doesn’t?
Why do I have to do reading today?
Why are we having that for dinner?
Why is dad at church so late tonight?
Why can’t I watch TV?

And on and on they go.

He’s not being rude when he asks. Even about the dinner thing. It’s just where he is right now. He’s all about the why.

And y’all, some of these “whys”, I have no answer for. Or at best, an incomplete one.

Why do I have black hair but Kennedy and Sydney have blonde?

Why is my skin dark and your skin is white?

Why doesn’t daddy have brown eyes instead of blue?

Sure, I can tell him that he was born in Asia and we were not and so our hair and our skin and our eyes don’t look like an Asian person’s would. And that’s the truth. But is it enough?

As I’ve posted here before, he’s learning to read this year in Kindergarten. Homeschooling this 6 year old has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever attempted. But so rewarding as we come into May and see how far he’s come.

Just the other night, he was holding his favorite stuffed animal, a black cat {weird, but true} and as I tucked him into bed and walked away, I heard him say…

“Black cat, black cat what do you see? I see a brown Joel looking at me.”

And it stopped me dead in my tracks. And made my knees falter a little. Because these questions that he consistently asks me, are swirling around in his mind even at bedtime. When he puts head to pillow, even then and after nearly four years together, he is thinking about the differences between us.

Why did you come get me?

Why don’t I live in Thailand anymore?

Why am I YOUR son now?

Again, we have answers. Insufficient ones to a degree.

Because we loved you. Because we desperately wanted you. Because in God’s sovereign plan, you are one of us. And because your first mom made a heart wrenching and selfless decision.

In Thailand, by and large, children who are abandoned are not eligible for international adoption. The vast majority of orphans in that beautiful country will languish in an orphanage, without the hope of a family, until they age out as teenagers. So children, if they are to have the greatest chance of being adopted, must be relinquished rather than abandoned.

That was the case for our beautiful boy. We have the papers his first mom signed. We know the reasons for her choice. We are beyond grateful for her maturity in the face of unfathomable circumstances.

Yet, I ask again. Is this enough of an answer?

I try every month when I’m given this tiny voice at NHBO, to speak to special needs or to stretch our thinking or to encourage us all to be the hands and feet of God where the orphan is concerned. I may be failing this month because I just keep coming back to this. That special needs or healthy, abandoned or relinquished, international or domestic…there will be why questions.

And at best, our answers will be incomplete ones.

Joel is here to be our first son.

He is here to be a big brother for our little prince, Gabe, from China.

And just recently, it seems he is here to begin to realize his own sinfulness in light of God’s perfection and to wrestle with some pretty weighty questions about salvation and the Gospel. The Gospel that he himself asked the other day if he would have ever learned about in Thailand.

And though these are all good and great things, is it enough? Will it be enough for him when he’s older? Will these things satisfy the “why” questions that he has?

Only God knows the answer to that. I rest in the sovereignty of Jesus. Our sons are our sons because before the foundation of the earth, God ordained it to be. Did God cause their plight? I don’t believe so. Sin, as is always the case, is the root for pain and suffering and hardship and death. So no, He didn’t cause it.

But He ordained it.

I don’t know how to reconcile those two things. I don’t seek to do so anymore.

Rather than dwell on what I don’t know, I lean into what I do know.

Namely, that Jesus is infinitely good. That our sons needed parents and siblings and grandparents and aunts and uncles. That we needed them. To open our eyes to the Gospel of Adoption, to have a smidgeon of a bird’s eye view into the heart of God and the grafting in of us into His family.

I know of families who avoid these questions and more aptly, avoid answering them. I don’t agree with them…but I affirm their right to raise their children in the manner they deem best. I don’t ever want to be guilty of “filling in the gaps” of our sons’ beginnings with things that aren’t there. I don’t want to lead them to see or believe something that may or may not be true as far as their stories go. And I surely don’t want to be flippant about them either.

But I do want to embrace the questions. I whole heartedly want to embrace the dark skin and black hair and brown eyes questions. Not to make less of them or to elevate them. Only to help him see that he is made fearfully and wonderfully made and that those very things that are different about him, are some of our favorite things about who he is. Along with his tender heart and his unbelievably quick sense of humor and his tenacious spirit.

That for some reason we may not fully know on this side, there is a means to the ends.

The whys are swirling around at our house these days.

And really, that’s just fine.

Filed Under: heart defect, Kam, Uncategorized

If feels good to be heard

April 29, 2013 by nohandsbutours 2 Comments

Almost two years ago, we took Sunshine to her first cleft clinic day. It was a very long day (smack dab in the middle of nap time, mind you) filled with seeing lots of doctors who poked and prodded my child … the child who had only been home from China for a month and had already been through more trauma than a lot of kids will experience in their whole lifetime … the child who didn’t truly trust her parents yet. The last doctor we saw that day (after hours of being shuffled around) was the ENT. At that point, Sunshine was starving, sleep deprived, traumatized, and just plain mad. Totally understandable, I would have been mad too. As I forcefully held Sunshine down while she was kicking and screaming, the ENT looked into her ears and told us she couldn’t see anything because of the wax build-up. She then said she’d need to clean out her ears to get a good look.

That’s about the time I put the brakes on. I didn’t even know what “cleaning out her ears” would entail, but I knew it was going to be too traumatic for my girl. Very much against the ENT’s judgment, I told her that we would not be cleaning out her ears right then. I just knew it was too much. She had already been through so much that day, and let’s face it, Sunshine. didn’t. trust. me. Annoyed and frustrated with me, the ENT reluctantly agreed and said that it could be done while she was under general anesthesia before the tubes were placed. That sounded like a much better idea to me. My mama bear claws retracted and I turned back into my “normal” mostly-pleasant self.

Now let me be clear, I do not advocate routinely denying medical procedures for children. But in that moment, at that exact time, I knew in my heart that “cleaning out her ears” was just not in Sunshine’s best interest and it was up to me to say so. Almost two years later, I still believe that was the right decision. Sunshine went onto have her ears cleaned and tubes placed under general anesthesia without complication, and it all worked out just fine.

So fast-forward to yesterday, Sunshine had an ENT check-up. It was “standard procedure” – just to check her hearing, and decide whether she’d need another set of tubes. I’m happy to report that she’s on the lower end of “normal” for hearing and that because her speech is coming along so well, they don’t see any need for another set of tubes right now! She did need to have her ears cleaned though (something about Asian ear wax and those tiny ear canals makes them difficult to keep clean at home). I agreed and made some off-the-cuff comment about it being totally different two years later.

And that’s when the ENT had a lightbulb moment … she said, “Ahhhh, you’re that mom. You know, I have to tell you … ever since you said what you said, I’ve stopped requiring newly adopted kids to have their ears cleaned. You really stuck with me, and what you said makes a lot of sense.” A big smile came across my face knowing that my decision had been validated. Mamas really do know best and we are our children’s best advocates. Sunshine then went on to have her ears cleaned out yesterday, sans trauma. It sure does feels good to be heard.

Filed Under: cl/cp, Nicole C.

“What’s fair {for the brother or sister of a child with special needs}”

April 25, 2013 by nohandsbutours 29 Comments

“Tell your mom I need to talk to her before you leave.”

Please tell me I’m not the only mom who receives that message from her child and sinks a little. Come on. I figure either (a) someone wants me to do something (which I likely won’t want to do) or (b) my kid did something (that I likely don’t want to hear).

I shouldn’t overthink everything.

It wasn’t a or b. He told me this:

“I joined the kids at recess today to play kickball and was so in awe of your daughter. One of our autistic kids wanted to play but didn’t get it. His aide was there helping him, but it just wasn’t working. He’d kick the ball but couldn’t grasp what to do next. Ashlyn was amazing; she went right up to him, stood by home plate, and told him to hold her hand. She ran with him around the bases. The aide and I were stunned. It was just amazing, and I just wanted to tell you that.”

I remember a time (okay…many times) I overthought something else. We have a son with some special needs. For years, our family has ebbed and flowed by his needs. Is that fair to our other children? Enter adoption, a special needs adoption, and the addition of another child (this time by choice) who would have some special needs that would require a bit more from us. How would this affect our son who already had his own struggles? What about our other two? Was this fair?

When that teacher shared that one little story, I realized I had always asked the wrong question. It’s not about being fair. That question itself implies that our “average” kids were losing out on something, denied something owed them. There’s a better question: Is it right?

Is it right for our children to learn to be flexible, to learn that their needs don’t always come first? Is it right for our children to learn that God has made each one of us differently and uniquely? Is it right for our children to learn to defend the weak and come alongside the hurting? Is it right for our children to learn to die to themselves for the sake of another?

We’re a family. We’re all here, each one of us with unique needs, some a bit more challenging than others, but we’ve all got unique needs. From my vantage point as I count the heads around our dinner table and tuck each one in at night, it’s all just right.

Filed Under: adoption realities, Chinese culture, Kelly

Lifeline waiting kids: Love Manor

April 17, 2013 by nohandsbutours Leave a Comment

The following children are on Lifeline’s Love Manor list and can only be viewed on Lifeline’s website. For more information and to see these precious kiddos, visit their Love Manor page or email Logan Gibbons at logan.gibbons@lifelinechild.org.

Tallan – male, age 2, blood disorder. Tallan is a very curious and cute little boy. He can walk alone and speak simple words. He imitates those around him and enjoys drawing. He is outgoing, gentle, and can play with all children. He is active and loves to play outdoors. Tallan is looking for a family who is currently logged in with the CCCWA.

Tara – Female, Age 4, Post Operative Cleft lip and palate. Tara is a beautiful girl that is known to be quiet and shy. She can walk, use the stairs along, eat independently, and can speak clearly. The likes to play with toys, to play games with other children and eat snacks. Tara is looking for a family who is currently logged in with the CCCWA.

Tay – Female, Age 2, Down Syndrome. Tay is a beautiful little girl who is quiet and content. She likes to be lightly touched by her care taker.

Telissa – female, age 4, lower limb disability. Telissa is a precious little girl who smiles often. Telissa is not able to walk alone but enjoys playing with toys.

Theo – male, age 4, club foot, syndactylia of fingers and toes. Theo is a precious little boy who likes to walk and play. He does wear corrective shoes for his feet but does not stop him from walking around. He is talkative, clever, and enjoys learning. He is active, energetic, and lovely. Theo is looking for a family who is currently logged in with the CCCWA.

Theresa – female, age 2.5, post operative cleft lip, cleft palate, and ametropia of both eyes. Theresa is a beautiful little girl who can walk and run. She speaks simple works and eats independently. She is gentle, smart, and obedient. Theresa is looking for a family who is currently logged in with the CCCWA.

Thomas – male, age 2.5, post operative cleft lip and palate. Thomas is a handsome little boy who likes to play games. He can walk along and eat independently. He can speak simple works too. Thomas is looking for a family who is currently logged in with the CCCWA.

Tiffany – Female, DOB 12/5/2008, Down Syndrome and CHD. Tiffany is an outgoing, excited, and very lovely girl. She enjoys dancing to music, playing with others, and imitating those around her. She often takes care of other children like an adult. Tiffany can go up and down stairs, and speak a few words. She is a cute little girl.

Timothy – Male, DOB 9-10-2004, clubfoot. Timothy is a clever, nice, and brave boy. His club foot does not slow him down. He can walk, run, and use the stairs. Timothy attends a special education school where he has learned a lot. He has a great memory and recites poems. He enjoys singing, is curious about new things, and will present his new ideas. Timothy is also caring. He will help younger children go up and down stairs or cuddle to show them kindness.

Tobe – male, age 3, post-operative cleft lip and cleft palate. Tobe is a fairly shy boy with a good memory. He can walk alone, eat a meal without help, and can express his needs using simple sentences. He has a good member and learns well. He enjoys playing with blocks and car toys. Tobe is looking for a family who is currently logged in with the CCCWA.

Tony – male, age 3.5, post operative cleft lip, cleft palate. Tony is a clever and cable little boy. He can use the stairs alone, speak simple works, and learns well. He enjoy playing with other children and likes new toys. Tony is looking for a family who is currently logged in with the CCCWA.

Tracey – female, age 3, post operative cleft lip, cleft palate. Tracey is a beautiful girl who can walk alone and enjoys playing. She likes to sit on the play horse and bike. Tracey likes to be cuddled by her aunt. She is said to have a sweet temper and is quiet. Tracey is looking for a family who is currently logged in with the CCCWA.

Trent – male, age 2.5, left atresia of external acoustic meatus. Trent is a precious boy curious of his surroundings. He can walk, speak simple words, and has a ready smile. He is quick in reaction and loves to play with children. Trent likes to get new toys and eat snacks. Trent is looking for a family who is currently logged in with the CCCWA.

Tucker – male, age 2, pigeon breast. Tucker is a little boy who loves to eat. He can walk with assistance and has normal growth development and intelligence. He is fond of playing with toys and loves being with his caretakers. Tucker is looking for a family who is currently logged in with the CCCWA.

Filed Under: Lifeline

Your Waiting Child?

April 16, 2013 by nohandsbutours 2 Comments

Welcome to Jean – our newest contributor at No Hands But Ours!
Jean and her husband have been married for 31 years and have raised 5 biological children. In 2006 God called them to adopt and he hasn’t stopped calling them. They now have 11 treasures home from China in addition to their 5 older bio kids. Jean blogs about life with “Jim and Jean Plus Sixteen” – as they jokingly call themselves – at There’s No Place Like Home.

So, when you looked at that picture, what was it that caught your attention? Was it the sad longing face, the joyful smile, the pouty lips or the eyes staring back at you? Was there something familiar about the child looks? Even though he/she was a different nationality did one of their features feel familiar?

For us it was something different every time. But it reached out and grabbed us and we couldn’t get that child out of our minds. Even when I walked away from the computer the image stuck with me. Even when we figured the special need was too much for us- the vision of that child kept coming back.

Sometimes we would see a child that was hanging out on the waiting child list or the shared list… for months. We couldn’t believe no one grabbed him or her. When they became ours I wanted to shout it out to the world. This child is wonderful, you will soon see! We are so lucky to be blessed with this child! They are a diamond in the rough! A beautiful child of God’s!

I feel that way about your children too! Oh, this lucky family now has the referral for this little boy or girl! I wish that I could follow them all as they grow and blossom.

Sometime the Lord gently spoke to our hearts and said “she needs to come home”.

Other times I would think to myself “We cannot do that…” and the Lord quietly answered back “of course you can, because I can”.

I remember saying we would never do “this” special need and unknowingly that is exactly what we did. God chuckled and we moved closer too him as we had been unprepared for his gift.

Sometimes I feel like I have the best kept secret and I want everyone to know! Children with special needs are an amazing gift. They are unique and delightful. Watching the Lord as He medically or emotionally helps a child heal is a blessing to behold. And then, to be part of that transformation is jaw dropping!

We prayed for healthy babies through 5 pregnancies and were thrilled each time our prayers were answered. But now I realize that blessings come in all shapes and sizes. Our healthy children were indeed a blessing but no more so than our adopted children with special needs.

An acquaintance in our church is starting an organization for children with special needs. When my close friend referred to our family the woman said but none of those children have special needs! I loved that answer!

Some families like the agency to pick a child that matches their preference list and send the referral while they pray over it. Often it’s a fit and you wonder… how did God know?

Pictures speak to me. I look at the waiting child photos and imagine them in our family. I ask God is this the one?

One time I got an audible answer from the Lord! I was shocked and amazed and YES, he is home now! A few other times my heart leapt (they’re home). And yet another time I showed hubby the picture and although adoption wasn’t in the fore front of his thoughts he quickly answered back YES (much to my surprise) and they are home, too!

So what was it about your child that grabbed you and wouldn’t let you go?

Or how about that child on the waiting child list that you keep checking on? There is something about him or her that makes you smile and your heartache all at the same time…

Filed Under: dual adoption, Jean, older child adoption

Everyday girl

April 11, 2013 by nohandsbutours 2 Comments

I watch her run across the yard, her straight, black ponytail bouncing over her self-selected outfit (which today, for once, is rather tame) and from the back she seems like just any other, everyday, six year old girl.

Then something grabs her attention and she turns around. As she glances past me her face breaks into that slightly lopsided grin, her eyes disappear as she smiles behind what would have been “coke bottle bottom glasses” back in the time of my childhood and I see the purple, circular bruises that cover half of her face.

…and suddenly I’m lost in thought…

Everyday girl?

Our appointment schedule over the past week would suggest something slightly different. In a span of six days we went to Duke Eye Center for a exam with her nationally known pediatric glaucoma specialist, to Chapel Hill Dental School for a specialized consultation and back to Duke to the Department of Dermatology for laser surgery.

Now that she’s been through eight pulse-dye laser treatments, she handles the thought of them well. It would be misleading to say that she doesn’t mind them ~ and she gets really hacked off at having to miss a day with her beloved kindergarten teacher ~ but the promise of a fun surprise just for her and a strawberry banana smoothie on the way home from the procedure help smooth things over. She’s becoming more and more confident immediately following her polka-dot days. A first innocent, “What’s that?” doesn’t bother her at all. She’ll happily reply, “They’re my polka-dots.” And that does it for most people. Just don’t ask her to elaborate ~ she has a stone-cold stare that she’s perfected for when anyone, even adults, asks one too many questions about her bruises.

Stares…her eyes…she’s an old pro at eye exams. While neither of us likes the seemingly endless wait at the Duke Eye Center, (it’s not uncommon for us to be there for over four hours for one appointment) seeing Dr. F is always pleasant. It took three eye surgeries and numerous “tweakings” of her drop regimen, but finally we seem to have stable ground over the port wine stain induced glaucoma that threatened to steal vision in DQ’s right eye. Dr. F still shakes her head in disbelief sometimes and calls DQ her poster child for glaucoma treatment.

The news we received at the dental exam in Chapel Hill left me speechless though. While the primary reason we were referred ~ her dentist wasn’t sure quite how to deal with her port wine stain affected gums ~ turned out to be a non-issue, the rest of the terminology from that visit still has my head spinning. Short version of the story is that her upper jaw has a severe cant ~ hence that sweet, lopsided grin ~ and I was given the name of a cranio-facial team to consult when her orthodontia years come along. Seriously? Jaw surgery?

Sometimes I wonder what else medically will be thrown at her. It often seems like when it comes to all things medical, she got the short end of the stick in our family. Just when we get to the point that one thing has become routine, something else comes along…though of all my kids, she’s the one with the tenacity to get through all the procedures and come out the same bubbly child on the other side.

…back to the world in front of me…

Suddenly whatever had her attention behind me ~ likely a bird in flight ~ disappears from her vision and she turns back, refocused on joining her brothers for swing time on our backyard playground. Just that quick my reflections end.

I see that her focus isn’t on all the time we’ve spent in doctor’s offices and children’s hospitals this past week. She just wants to feel the breeze on her face as she checks to see just how high she can swing, laughing all the while with her siblings. And I realize, we may have many specialist appointments in our history and many, many more to come…

…but she is indeed an everyday, six year old girl.