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One Day

May 5, 2016 by nohandsbutours 0 Comments

Dear little boy of mine,

We knew before we brought your sister home you might struggle a bit. We prepared you for this transition as best we could, using all of the information we could obtain. We talked using big words you couldn’t yet fully understand, words your heart wanted to understand. We prayed for your heart to be filled with grace and understanding for your new sister. You knew you weren’t going to be the baby anymore once she arrived, but the idea of big-brotherhood made you stand a little taller and puff out your chest a bit. You were so excited. The first time you saw her in person, your face lit up. There she was!

Dear little girl of mine,

We knew before we brought you home you might struggle a bit. We couldn’t prepare you for the changes that were about to rock your world, but we prayed hard for your heart every day. We didn’t know if your caretakers were talking about us, or inserting words into your vocabulary that would be new for you. “Mama”. “Baba.” “Jie jie.” “Ge ge.” The new life you were about to walk into would be vastly different from what you had known before; we didn’t even know how you would feel being the youngest child in our family. We watched you grow via pictures and video clips for a year and then took your hand and led you back home to your family. The first time you saw our friends and family waiting to see you, you rocked your spunky personality and showed us all just how strong you are.


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Dear little boy of mine,

It was harder than you thought it would be, wasn’t it? You, who had verbally relinquished your place as the baby, suddenly realized that it might not be something you wanted to let go of after all. It didn’t matter how many hugs or snuggles we tried to sneak in, it was just plain difficult to welcome a new sister, wasn’t it? I knew that would change. I knew that one day you would be the best of friends, but it seemed like a far off hope to hold onto even for me, and for you, I imagine it seemed all but impossible.

Dear little girl of mine,

You arrived home and saw a kiddo about your same size and felt a little threatened, didn’t you? You didn’t know that I could love both of you, that there was room enough on my lap for you and him. You couldn’t understand that there was no need for the intense jealousy or competitiveness; those things were necessary Before, but not Now. That wasn’t an easy transition for your heart to make. I knew that one day, that would change. I knew that the sibling you didn’t like very much at the start, would become the one you loved, but it seemed like a far off hope to hold onto, even for me, and for you, I imagine it seemed all but impossible.


Whitney2


Dear youngest two of mine,

We have prayed for you to grow together. We have prayed for your hearts to be knit together into the sweetest of brother-sister loves. We have watched you, and disciplined you, fussed at you, encouraged you, and cried over you. We have laughed at your antics, thrown our hands up in frustration, and put you both to bed early on occasion. We have made you hold hands, we have made you apologize, we have asked that you grant forgiveness for wrongs committed. You often drive us a little bit crazy, but we know that one day, all of the effort going into helping your relationship form a strong bond will be worth it. We are starting to see glimmers of the future good that is growing. There are moments when I realize that you are playing together, giggling together, sharing with each other, consoling each other, telling each other that you are best friends. It’s what my heart holds on to when the tough moments seem to weigh heavy.


Whitney3


Dear sweet ones,

One day you will be able to listen to the story of how God knit our family together; how He prepared the hearts of your mama and daddy long before any of you four were born into the world. You will know about the pain of loss, the grace of healing, and the obedience of a yes we couldn’t fully understand. It is a beautiful story you two are a part of, my hilarious Mr. Six, and sassy Miss Five.
In many ways, I have two babies-of-the-family, you know; one who grew under my heart and one who grew in my heart. I love you both, my babies, and I know one day, you will understand the magnitude of that love. Until that day comes, I promise to take one day at a time, understanding that both of you have been through so much in the past fifteen months, understanding that some days will be good, and some days will be just plain hard. It’s okay. We can get through it, together.


Find My Family: Duo

May 4, 2016 by nohandsbutours 0 Comments

Duo is 11, and now listed as Cody with Holt! He has a prosthetic leg and scoliosis.


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Duo came into care when he was a baby; he has scoliosis and his left leg was amputated and he wears a prosthetic leg. He walks freely, although he may have some pain if he walks for a long time, and he receives physical therapy. He can take care of all his own personal needs and is helpful with the younger children in his foster home. Cody is a smart boy who likes reading books in his free time. He enjoys art class in school and has learned some English words.

Tian Duo goes to grade four in a public school in Beijing, and his grades are in the middle range. He is fascinated with animals, and he can talk about them for a long time, as long as someone is happy to listen. He loves reading very much, too! Some of his friends jokingly call him an “encyclopedia”.

Tian Duo is a witty child, and he always has a lot of interesting ideas and plans in his mind, which get him into all kinds of troubles, just like any other little boy of his age.

At home, he lives with his group home parents and five foster siblings. There he has learned to trust and depend on his parents, and to accept and love every family member. Once he said to his baby sister with Down Syndrome, “I am very smart, and you are not so much. But I can give some of my smartness to you, and I will protect you!”


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Tian Duo is sad that he is not tall enough, nor strong enough, in his eyes, because of his physical limitations. He also wonders when it is his turn to have a forever family, or whether anyone would “pick” him, after witnessing one after another younger siblings leaving with their very own mom and dad. For him, adoption also means he would have a lot more opportunities for education, and it is his dream to go to college some day, which is impossible for him in China.”

Please contact Holt for more information on adopting Duo.

LibertyNHBOSig

A Beginner’s Guide to Special Needs Adoption: Post One

May 3, 2016 by nohandsbutours 1 Comments

Becoming a parent, no matter how it happens, is never easy. But for those just looking into the possibility of adoption it can seem positively overwhelming. It is our hope to change all that. This 7-post series will go step-by-step through the process to adopt through the special needs program for those of you who are just starting out on the adventure of a lifetime. Join us.


abeginnersguide


Here are the topics that will be covered:

1. Why China?
2. Special Needs and the Medical Conditions Checklist
3. LID vs. Special Focus
4. Picking an Agency
5. The Steps of the China Adoption Process (Acronyms Decoded)
6. Beginning the Paper Chase and Homestudy
7. Things to Read, Do and Study While You Wait

……….

I have a Chinese son — a beautiful boy whose big black eyes crinkle when he smiles at me, whose shiny black hair and soft brown skin look nothing like my own. This boy of mine has become fully immersed in American culture and life as weeks and months fly by at breakneck speed, and despite our struggle to find meaningful ways to honor his heritage in our home, he remains at the core of him wholly Chinese. My boy lives for the tastes of congee, rice, and perhaps most of all, for Asian oo-dohs (his word for noodles). (As an aside, he eats said oo-dohs by holding them high above his head with his tiny, greasy fingers, letting them drop into his mouth, and erupting into near-constant giggle fits at the dinner table. He’s pretty hilarious.)

He is the joy of my lifetime, and yet even a few years ago, I never would have dreamed that a little boy from China would call me mama. Visiting China was not on my bucket list. Adopting a child with special needs was more than my husband and I could possibly handle. The truth is, I just didn’t know. I’m so very grateful for the friends and resources that put us on the path to China and our amazing little boy.

And now, I am here to share some of what I’ve learned along the way with all of you.

This will be the first in a series of posts about how to get started with an adoption from China, so if you’ve already decided that this is the path for your family, I will try to provide some more practical advice in the posts to follow. In the meantime, for those of you who are still unsure or stuck trying to figure out if China adoption is for you, this post is for you.

I remember how overwhelmed my husband and I were when we started to research adoption. We didn’t know how or where to begin. I scoured the internet for resources, and wished for a knowledgeable friend to break it all down for me. I stumbled upon some things on my own, but remained fairly clueless until well into our own process. I don’t want this to happen to you. And while I won’t even attempt to fully dissect the gigantic topic of adoption for you, I will try to walk you through the beginning stages of the process as best I can, first by trying to explain, from my perspective at least — why China?

I should start with who China adoption is for. China adoption is for the couple who has struggled for years with infertility, and for the family who has four biological children and thinks it might finally be time to add a fifth through adoption. It’s for the single woman who yearns to experience motherhood, and yes, it has recently become for the single man who dreams of becoming a father. China adoption is for those who feel that God is leading them to an orphanage on the other side of the world, and it is for families that have never set foot inside of a church. It’s for the mother who worked in a Chinese orphanage in her teens, never forgetting the faces of those lonely little babies, and for the mother who has never had a passport. It is for the family who has saved $35K to bring home their child, and it is for the family that will fundraise every penny of their adoption fees.

You might think that I mean to say that China adoption is for everyone. It’s not. First there are China’s requirements: You must be 30. One parent must be a US citizen. You must be married for a certain amount of time — this varies depending on whether you’ve ever been divorced. You must meet basic income requirements. You cannot have a substantial criminal history. You must generally be in good health. You must complete a home study complete with adoptive parent training, and go on to complete a dossier — a stack of documents summarizing the lives of every member of your household.

After you find your child, you must wait for final approval by both the United States and Chinese governments, and finally, travel to China for two weeks during which you will meet your child, complete the adoption, and gather the final documents that will allow you to bring your child into the United States. (You can find lists of these preliminary criteria on most adoption agencies‘ websites. A good place to start is assessing whether you meet those criteria, and if you don’t meet one of them, contacting an agency to see if you qualify for a waiver, which are commonly granted. The one category on which a waiver is never granted is age, both parents must be 30 to adopt from China.)

In addition to the guidelines established by both the Chinese and United States governments, there are also the practical considerations. On the lists of reasons many of my friends have chosen China adoption as opposed to either domestic adoption or a different country’s international adoption program, the number one reason is this: the China adoption program has been around for a long time, and it has the reputation of being predictable, stable, and reliable. Other things that ranked high on our own list: you are only required to travel to China once, for about two weeks at the end of your adoption process. At the end of that trip, you will return home with your child. Additionally, China adoptions can be completed relatively quickly; most families complete the process in approximately 12 to 15 months, and sometimes much more quickly than even that. They’re relatively inexpensive — most are completed for between $28K and $35K depending on many factors including your agency and the time of year that you travel.

In addition to all of those reasons, there is: China… the land of a Great Wall and Forbidden Palace, of beautiful people and ancient history, of amazing food and fantastic scenery. China is a country filled with a cultural richness that permeates even the new construction of seemingly infinite skyscrapers, bigger and grander cities, and always more, more, more. There’s something intangible about the wonder of China — once China grabs a piece of your heart, it tends to take up residence there, and its presence grows in ways that you wouldn’t have dreamed. I think you’d be hard pressed to find an adoptive mama who doesn’t long to return to China as soon as possible, if not to adopt her next child, to experience more of its magic.

And if, after reading all of the above, you’re feeling ready to jump in, know this: this process will cause you to be brave — braver than you ever imagined you could be. It will grow your patience enormously. At the end of mounds of paperwork and months of waiting, you will meet your China boy or girl — maybe a toddler, maybe a tween or even a teen. You will become your child’s forever family and they will become yours. Your child will bring with him all of the wonder of China, he will make you work to be a better mom or dad, and he will enrich your life in countless ways.

While it is very easy for me to get carried away writing about the beauty of China adoption, the bottom line is, it’s all about these sweet children. It’s not all about our China trips, or our personal growth. It’s about the children. We can’t ever lose that perspective when we are trying to figure out how to grow our families. These children are beautiful, and they are amazing. They are the bravest little things, and they need moms and dads. Orphanages are no places for these little ones, and what a gift it is to be able to provide your child with proper medical treatment in the US.

Special needs do tend to cause people the most trepidation at the beginning of the China adoption process. If this is the case for your family, stay tuned to read more about special needs and filling out the Medical Conditions Checklist in the next post.

– image courtesy of Krissi Trusty
FaithNHBOSig

15 Ways to Prepare During the Wait

May 2, 2016 by nohandsbutours 3 Comments

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Those who have adopted, as well as those currently knee deep in the adoption process, know all about a little thing called waiting. Only it really is not a little thing; it is a big, difficult thing. The good news is that although the wait is hard, it gives families the opportunity to prepare for …Read More

8 Questions Frequently Asked About Our Large Family

May 1, 2016 by nohandsbutours 1 Comments

Family Photo- with CA

May is here and this month on NHBO we are focusing on Large Families. The China special needs program has changed significantly over the years, and one of the big ways is that family size is no longer an issue for those in process to adopt a child with special needs. Gone are the days …Read More

Sensory Processing Disorder and the Tween Years

April 30, 2016 by nohandsbutours 0 Comments

The most difficult thing about parenting a tween or young teen with sensory processing disorder is constantly reminding oneself that people don’t outgrow SPD. It may feel that way for a few years during upper elementary because it’s likely by then that your child learned successful coping strategies for most age-appropriate sensory experiences. But then …Read More

Urgent Aging Out Child: Rebekah

April 30, 2016 by nohandsbutours 0 Comments

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Rebekah is 13 years old and will age out of the adoption system on her 14th birthday in November. Rebekah is an HIV carrier and lives in a group home setting with other children who have also tested positive for HIV. She was with her birth family and cared for by the community until she …Read More

International Adoption Clinics: Services and Locations

April 29, 2016 by nohandsbutours 4 Comments

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I can still remember getting ‘the call’ during our first adoption process. Our agency coordinator was on the phone and they had a file for us to review. I remember the many different emotions I felt as we opened the file and photos and began to read. Within an hour of opening the file I …Read More

We’ve Got This: Parenting a Child with CP

April 29, 2016 by nohandsbutours 2 Comments

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My son has Cerebral Palsy. Mild Right Hemiplegic Cerebral Palsy to be specific, which means only the right side of his body is affected. If you see him running by on the playground or the soccer field, you might never even notice he has physical difficulties. If you have an idea in your mind of …Read More

Sensory Bins 101

April 28, 2016 by nohandsbutours 0 Comments

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Over the years, we’ve had a lot of fun with sensory bins. A few of my little loves are sensory-seeking (often craving sensory input of all kinds), so these bins can be a super interesting way to get them what they need. The great thing about sensory bins is that the possibilities are absolutely limitless. …Read More

© 2016 No Hands But Ours

The content found on the No Hands But Ours website is not approved, endorsed, curated or edited by medical professionals. Consult a doctor with expertise in the special needs of interest to you.