November 21, 2016 adoption realities, Kelley B., questions from strangers, trauma 2 Comments

Just a few months ago I was at our local children’s hospital checking in for my son who was to have surgery that day. The lady that was taking my information was busy asking all the normal questions we parents get from medical professionals. My son was not by my side but a good distance …Read More

November 17, 2016 adoption realities, Andrea Y., large families 0 Comments

I sat at the red light waiting patiently and the sign caught my eye. “Tour of Homes”… an event most of our towns have during the holidays, and I imagined for a moment what those homes might be like. I pictured myself going with friends — something the mom with just one or two little …Read More

November 5, 2016 adoption realities, Attachment, epidermolysis bullosa, Whitney 4 Comments

Raise your hand if you tend to overthink things. Now, raise both hands, jump up and down, throw your head back and yell, “Yes, this is me!”, if you’re an adoptive mama and you tend to overthink things. Overthinking is a habit that can be dangerous in the best of situations. Overthinking when you’re processing …Read More

October 16, 2016 congenital blindness, Education, non-verbal, October 2016 Feature - Working Moms, orphanage realities, pre-school, Sensory System, vision loss, working mom 1 Comments

Navigating work and being a mom is tough under the best of circumstances, but it can feel even more daunting when you toss in the complex issues that accompany parenting your newly adopted child. So this month on No Hands But Ours, some been-there-done-that working mamas are here to help, with advice on everything from …Read More

September 15, 2016 adoption realities, books, Family Stories, Parenting Special Needs 5 Comments

I just flew back from South Carolina. I went there to reunite my daughter with a friend that she had not seen in almost four years. The last time the girls saw each other, they were in an orphanage halfway around the world. The nannies who had raised them pressed the bewildered little girls into …Read More

September 5, 2016 adoption realities, Whitney 2 Comments

Now, you know. Not just know with your eyes when you see pictures online. Not just know with your heart as you pray. Not just know with your mind, “Yes, there are orphans”. You. Know. You’ve stood in the rooms full of cribs full of babies. You’ve strained your ears to hear cries that have …Read More

July 12, 2016 adoptee perspective, adoption realities, adult adoptee, Perspectives, telling their life story 1 Comments

Ni Hao and hello! I’d like to introduce myself. I am the Happy Panda from Europe. I was adopted when I was two from Sichuan. I am now 24 years old and just graduated as a social worker. I studied social work and during the lessons we learned to create/stimulate awareness. My goal is to …Read More

July 11, 2016 adoption realities, Amy, July 2016 Feature - Dear Younger Me, tracheo-malacia, tracheoesophagel fistula 1 Comments

I have been a mother for eighteen years because I count pregnancy as motherhood. Our oldest daughter is 17 1/2, currently college shopping, and heading into her senior year of high school. Our son is a 185 pound football-and-basketball playing, learning to drive, almost 16 year old. Then in May of 2013, after a 12 …Read More

July 6, 2016 adoption realities, Attachment, Carrie, July 2016 Feature - Dear Younger Me, parent-to-child attachment 4 Comments

Each month at No Hands But Ours, we feature a topic to provide insight, encouragement and/or wisdom for fellow travelers on this beautiful and sometimes arduous journey of adoptive parenting. This month’s topic is sure to be full of all the aforementioned, and then some. Join us as seasoned moms share what they would say …Read More

May 15, 2016 Advocacy, Katie, Realities 2 Comments

I love Jesus. I love His simplicity. I love how easily He puts things into perspective. I love how when all the religious leaders wanted to prove Him wrong, false, and even sinful that His answers were never hour long oratories. Simple, concise. Believe and follow or don’t. Often I find myself in the midst …Read More

May 8, 2016 adoption realities, Amy A., Attachment 4 Comments

The second Sunday of May carries such incredible significance for women around our country. For many, Mother’s Day is a time of celebration – a time to sleep a few extra hours in morning and a time to receive breakfast in bed, gifts, hugs, kisses and words of appreciation. Church services celebrate mothers and their …Read More

May 5, 2016 adoption realities, Attachment, first weeks home, first year home, Newly Home, Whitney 1 Comments

Dear little boy of mine, We knew before we brought your sister home you might struggle a bit. We prepared you for this transition as best we could, using all of the information we could obtain. We talked using big words you couldn’t yet fully understand, words your heart wanted to understand. We prayed for …Read More

April 27, 2016 adopting again, Family Stories, orphanage realities, orphanage visit, should we adopt? 5 Comments

I never felt called to adopt. For me, adoption was simply the way God chose to build our family. In 2011 we adopted our son Sean who is now seven years old. In 2013 we adopted our daughter Elliana who is now five. When people first started saying that adoption was a beautiful thing for …Read More

April 25, 2016 orphan prevention, orphanage realities, Randall, should we adopt? 3 Comments

A Hot Mess This week I got into a conversation about these two big ideas called expiation and propitiation. Sounds fun, right? Don’t worry, I’m not going to open up the discussion here. It’s really boring unless you’re a theology nerd. For sure, it’s an important doctrine, but how important? Important enough to argue over? …Read More

April 19, 2016 adoption realities, congenital blindness, Katie, Sensory System, vision loss 5 Comments

I was once afraid of what my reality has become. I hear it voiced in so many others taking the risk of adopting a child with possible cognitive delays. What if this child can never live independently? What if they need to live with me for the rest of my life? What if their need …Read More

April 5, 2016 adoption realities, Whitney 24 Comments

I feel like there are many people in the lives of adoptive families who want to try to downplay the differences our adopted children have from those who have grown up in a more stable, loving, safe, home environment. The downplaying? It’s not malicious; in fact I wholeheartedly believe that many of these friends want to …Read More

March 13, 2016 adoption realities, Amy A., Attachment, attachment activities, first weeks home, first year home 2 Comments

When my husband and I stepped across the chasm – our old life on one side and our new life on the other – we had no idea what awaited us. Three and a half years later, we have a better understanding of the world we entered after saying Yes to adoption. So, in honor …Read More

March 3, 2016 adopting out of birth order, adoption realities, Attachment, Family Stories, first year home, March 2016 Feature - Special Circumstances, parent-to-child attachment, virtual twins 6 Comments

Adoption has always been on my heart. Always. China? Not quite as long, but still in 2014 we found ourselves traveling around the world to meet and bring home our daughter from China. But before we talk about homecomings, siblings, bonding and all, let me back up a bit. When we found that getting pregnant …Read More

February 25, 2016 adoption realities, first weeks home, glaucoma, Newly Home, Sensory System, vision issues, vision loss 4 Comments

Eryn is married to Chris and they have two bio kids – Madelyn and River – in addition to their new daughter, Primrose, who just came home from China. This was Eryn’s tribute to adoption on Primrose’s 2nd birthday. ………. These are mama eyes that only shut for 4 hours last night. And hands that …Read More

February 19, 2016 adoption realities, Attachment, attachment activities, Katie, parent-to-child attachment, siblings 0 Comments

“I was so angry for so long. I felt real hate, Mom!” A child in my home recently confessed in the privacy of our conversation. They were speaking about the time when adoption trauma made its way into our home. When siblings were physically injured by a new addition, when lying became a part of …Read More

February 18, 2016 adoption realities, cocooning, Family Stories, first weeks home, glaucoma, neurofibromatosis, NF1, older child adoption, parent-to-child attachment 2 Comments

We had been home from China with our first daughter almost five months when we saw her picture: a sweet face with a deep downcast shown in her eyes. She was six years old. Her file had been passed over by a few families already because of the uncertainties of her medical condition. One eye …Read More

December 1, 2015 adoption realities, HIV, Infectious 0 Comments

Today is widely known as World AIDS day and is an opportunity for people worldwide to unite in the fight against HIV, show their support for people living with HIV and to commemorate people who have died. To join in this battle, we bring you a guest post from a mom who shares a glimpse …Read More

November 27, 2015 adoption realities, Attachment, Carrie, parent-to-child attachment 28 Comments

“I not only have my secrets, I am my secrets. And you are yours. Our secrets are human secrets, and our trusting each other enough to share them with each other has much to do with the secret of what it means to be human.” – Frederick Buechner Be gentle with me, dear reader. Please …Read More

October 28, 2015 Kelly, older child adoption, orphanage realities 3 Comments

It was a 100-page labor of love. For months, in anticipation of my visit back to my daughter’s orphanage, I had been collecting updates. I hoped for 25 families to be a part of the update book. In the end, there were 50. I had asked them specific things: their child’s Chinese name and the …Read More

October 22, 2015 adopting two at once, adoption realities, China trip, disruption, Gotcha Day, guest post, older child adoption, orphanage behaviors 13 Comments

There’s been a rash of disruptions lately, both while still in China and shortly after the families are back in America. I’m not here to pass judgment on people, or talk about families who disrupt months or years into the process. I’m here to talk about the beginning, and to give some advice. Real advice. …Read More

October 19, 2015 adoption realities, Katie, October 2015 Feature - It Takes a Village 6 Comments

I am sure you have seen the posts. You have been given the information on how to be the village to your friends arriving home with their new, precious, yet traumatized son or daughter. You diligently studied how to be that good friend, how to give space for cocooning, how to offer meals and household …Read More

October 12, 2015 Hannah, orphanage realities 1 Comments

I have a rather comical relationship with one of the nannies at the orphanage. I’ve been back in the USA for about five months now (getting a 2nd degree in nursing, in case you were wondering) and this nanny (I’ll call her M Ayi) and I have had many a chat on weixin, a Chinese …Read More

October 11, 2015 adoption community, adoption realities, Amy 1 Comments

I think a good lot of us have a little habit of telling un-truths. Specifically, when asked a common question such as, “how are you?”, we respond with “I’m ok” or “I’m good” or “I’m fine” – when in fact, we are not. Sometimes we are not ok. It might be a day, a week, …Read More

August 25, 2015 adoption realities, Amy A. 10 Comments

From the time I was a young girl, I always felt the Lord’s presence and His pursuit of my heart. However, I did not begin regularly attending church or consistently studying God’s word until a while after my husband and I got married. In the spring of 2007, we joined a “small group,” and every …Read More

July 23, 2015 adopting two at once, adoption realities, China trip, Gotcha Day, July/August 2015 Feature - Going to China!, Rebecca 7 Comments

It’s the pinnacle of the adoption journey. We build a beautiful image of what gotcha day will be, and hold hard to that as we wait. Much preparation goes into readiness for caring for the child we’ve seen only in pictures. We study bonding techniques and possible reactions, and pack and repack little backpacks. But …Read More

July 15, 2015 foster care, Jean, July/August 2015 Feature - Going to China!, orphanage realities 2 Comments

We have experienced both options with our children from China. When first starting our adoption journeys I had the impression that one was better than the other. Foster care was better and I should want my child to be in foster care; but somehow, as we found our children the most important thing was that …Read More

July 9, 2015 Amy A., China trip, July/August 2015 Feature - Going to China!, orphanage realities 1 Comments

For the past 3 years, I have been a member of numerous Facebook groups specific to adoption. One question that arises time and time again is whether or not a family should visit their new child’s orphanage during their trip to China. This is an important question to ask, but because experiences vary greatly, everyone …Read More

June 14, 2015 adoption realities, congenital blindness, disruption, Katie, Sensory System, undiagnosed SN, vision loss 7 Comments

My life was almost returned to normal. I would have slept better, been freer, able to eat better, clean the house, and find my way back to the normal details of everyday life. But I chose to finish the adoption, to make this girl who was so far from the one portrayed to me, my …Read More

April 13, 2015 Hannah, orphanage realities 1 Comments

She stands in the middle of the room, children at her feet. Some are fighting each other for her, the rest are begging to be picked up. A little girl with albinism sees me standing in the doorway and runs over, arms spread wide and high. I bend down and pick her up and within …Read More

April 6, 2015 adoption realities, books, guest post 0 Comments

Each adoption tells a story. When our family was in the midst of the laborious form-filling, check-writing, waiting, waiting, waiting stage of our daughter Lucy’s adoption, we had plenty of time to envision how our story—how Lucy’s story—would go. We had plenty of education, you see. We read and re-read The Connected Child, we attended …Read More

March 26, 2015 adoption realities, disruption, guest post, LWB, March 2015 Feature - Disruption, orphanage realities 4 Comments

Today we finish out our month-long series on disruption with a post by Amy Eldridge of Love Without Boundaries Foundation. We are so grateful to include her voice of experience here, as she has spent years working on behalf of orphans in China and has witnessed the wake of disruption on families and children – …Read More

March 15, 2015 Jean, older child adoption, orphanage realities 7 Comments

Recently our oldest adopted daughter from China celebrated her 15th birthday. She wasn’t excited about this birthday because she didn’t want to be fifteen. She liked being 14 and to her 15 felt too old. You see she feels a bit cheated… Her childhood began at the age of 8 yrs 8 month and 18 …Read More

February 19, 2015 a father's perspective, adoption realities, large families, Mike 39 Comments

“When you go back…” In the weeks before we left for China for our first adoption, Anne and I met with some family friends who had adopted three Chinese daughters. The goal of our time with Kevin and Vicki was to better understand what to expect on the trip and in the months to follow. …Read More

February 13, 2015 Chinese Culture, Hannah, orphanage realities 1 Comments

We were advocating domestic adoption around the table. Somehow I had been seated to the Director’s left – the most important seat, and one much too auspicious for comfort, and our chopsticks clinked upon the same plate of celery and mushrooms. He turned to me and looked me square in the face. Of course I …Read More

February 5, 2015 adoption community, adoption realities, Attachment, Carrie 0 Comments

Darling Girl, I walked into your room the other night, well after you had gone to sleep. I could hear your quiet breathing and the whole room smelled like you. There’s something about the way my babies smell that makes me feel peaceful and comforted and deeply at home, and when it dawned on me …Read More

January 23, 2015 adoption realities, chronic conditions, Rebecca 4 Comments

I am coming to terms with it.  This is not passing.  It’s not over after a surgery, or two.  Or after a therapy session, or three.  The first year is behind us, but there are more miles in this marathon.  I’m discovering what chronic means.  I’m learning that adopting a child labeled medically complex truly …Read More

January 13, 2015 adoption realities, guest post, January 2015 Feature, January 2015 Feature - Post-Adoption Depression, post-adoption depression 7 Comments

My husband and I delved into the world of adoption like most parents; blinders on and only thinking of having our newest family member in our arms. We trudged through all of the standard trainings which really prepared us for nothing and filled out our mountain of paperwork. Before we knew it, we were packing …Read More

January 13, 2015 Hannah, orphanage realities 0 Comments

January 4, 2014… I mean 2015. Where does the time go? I have my ticket. I’m flying back to China on the 9th, a Friday afternoon. By the time you all read this I will have been in the good ol’ PRC for about three days, and will hopefully be sleeping soundly (why are you …Read More

January 1, 2015 adoption realities, Attachment, Carrie 10 Comments

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.” And he replied: “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a …Read More

December 26, 2014 adoption realities, Kelly 0 Comments

It’s his first Christmas home, his first Christmas with a family. It will take but a few minutes for him to learn that ripping pretty paper leads to special treasures. I’m sure his little Christmas jammies, sticky candy cane lips and fingers, and the smile that fills his face will speak of only delight. We …Read More

December 16, 2014 adoption realities, Jean, older child adoption 2 Comments

They need a family… When we adopted Ben we knew he was from a nice orphanage, much different than many of our other children. We also knew he had a foster family for many years. Once he was home we found out he had been with them for 6 of his 7.5 years. From Ben’s …Read More

December 7, 2014 adoption realities, Amy, Attachment 19 Comments

“Imagine the exhaustion of Christmas, Thanksgiving, a wedding, a funeral, and childbirth in one day, and that would almost be Gotcha Day.” This is how I recently described Gotcha Day on a friend’s facebook feed, mostly for the benefit of their family and friends to get a perspective beyond the dramatic and romanticized “Gotcha Day” …Read More

December 5, 2014 adoption realities, Tara 1 Comments

My sister is due to have her first baby pretty much anytime within the next couple of weeks. Needless to say, there is much excitement in our home as the kids anticipate the arrival of their new baby cousin! Not to mention, every time they see something intended to be used or worn by a …Read More

November 25, 2014 adoption realities, Kelly 2 Comments

Coats were on and heads were being counted when she shared it with me.   “Mommy, I have to tell you something. A girl in my class said, ‘Is your mom Chinese?’ I said, ‘No.’ Then, she said, ‘Well, you have Chinese eyes so your mom has to be Chinese.’ But, I told her, ‘No, …Read More

November 24, 2014 adoption realities, Rebecca 2 Comments

One year ago, we were somewhere over the ocean between East and West, with our two newly adopted, Mandarin speaking children. We were a muddled mix of joy, weariness, readiness to be home, heaviness from leaving our children’s birth country, and profound gratitude for our intensely beautiful time in China. Feeling the joy of long …Read More